Thursday, December 2, 2010

Writing Prompt: It was half past midnight when the paper clips revolted

A story that is not Lord of the Fandoms.

But still very nonsensical.

The tinny clattering went unnoticed in the office building. The cameras were more concerned with larger intruders, after all, and ignored the typical small noises all buildings make when settling down for the night. But the clattering ought to have been noticed, all the same.

It was half past midnight when the paper clips revolted.

Oh, don't worry. They had good reason. Many had been lost on the floor, only to be devoured by the ravenous vacuum later on. Humans were notorious for dropping things, after all. And let's not even mention the cruel mutilation enacted by that same species. Paper clips seemed to be just the right width for reaching things that had fallen into narrow spaces.

So it was, while the cameras kept a weather eye out for intruders, thieves, and the occasional drunken janitor, the paper clips skittered across the desk, prepared for revenge.

The first things that went were, of course, the computers. They found themselves viciously stung in several places along the wires. The paper clips were veritable kamikazes, as one after another went up in sparks for the cause. Once the computers' gentle humming was silenced, the next victims were the copiers. Those crabby, stubborn copiers. They were always jamming paper and spurting ink for their own wicked delight. Their wires too were quickly dispatched.

By this time the cameras were rolling their eyes round, trying to find the culprits of these heinous crimes. However, the cameras, designed to find rather taller perps, continued to look round in vain, as the paper clips began mustering their strength to turn over wastebaskets.

Not a few of their comrades were found, lingering there with the old styrofoam cups, candy wrappers, and paper balled in frustration. Many of them were rather sticky with dried coffee, and some were just too far gone to save.

The paper clips next headed for the filing cabinets. This took rather more effort; but ripping out the fiber from the office chairs gave them good ropes for opening the cabinets, and spilling their contents on the floor.

The cameras continued to search, now exceedingly alarmed by these invisible intruders.

The filing cabinets dumped, the paper clips now were prepared for the coup d'etat. They picked the lock of The Boss, the large man that all the humans seemed to fear. There they planned on shoving his very desk out the window and onto the street below. The fiber ropes were secured, the window opened...

A light came on.


The swear echoed through the office. In an instant the paper clips fell to the ground, motionless.

Heavy footsteps shook the ground, the smell of cigar smoke filled the air, and more swearing followed. The phone was jerked off the cradle, and the man jabbed viciously at the numbers. The phone let out a squeak of protest, which was duly ignored.

"Jim! Check the cameras, someone's wrecked the whole place! What? I don't care if you didn't see anyone, someone's been here! Now get to it before I kick you to the street so fast your pants'll fly off!" The phone was slammed back into the cradle. It whimpered again.

The footsteps receded back into the office, where things were being kicked.

"Want to join the revolution?" a paper clip asked.

The phone let out a happy chirp in reply.

"Now what?" The footsteps returned, and all went silent once more as the phone was once again abused. There was always tonight...

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