Monday, January 24, 2011

A newspaper clip and an open letter

Giant Spider Rampages Through Florham Park

Mere hours after the New York Jets' tragic defeat in the playoff game, a giant spider came tearing through Florham Park, headquarters for the Jets football team.

So far, the body count is unknown, but the damage will certainly cost millions.

Head coach Rex Ryan was found cowering under a desk in the middle of the wreckage, muttering over and over, "She really did it! She really did it!"

Fans of Mystery Science Theater and the Green Bay Packers alike were seen bursting from their homes, screaming, "Packers won the Super Bowl!"

They were told by authorities to wait until February 6th.

An Open Letter to the Green Bay Packers

Dear Packers,

I hate you.

This is a long established fact. We carry within our hearts a mutual dislike of one another. Your victory yesterday shattered my illusions of a Bears Super Bowl.

But my dislike of you can never equal the deep-set rage that burns within my soul against the Pittsburgh Steelers. It is outstripped only by that long-abiding, unquenchable fury I feel towards the Washington Redskins.

So you see, we have come to an impasse. Our only chance is an alliance. One of those, "I loosen your chains, you kill the guards for the maniac emperor who talks to severed heads on a regular basis" sort of deals. Do the Steelers talk to severed heads? I don't know.

However, I do know what will happen if you blow this for us.

Remember Florham Park.



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