I am not a typical female. When Dale and I go on a date, I do not want to go see some sappy movie in which female lead and male lead dance around each other for 2 hours until they declare their love in a heartwarming/amusing way, and then the bells ring and everyone smiles. Most of the time those movies bore me to tears. This is a good thing, though. Dale and I can enjoy the same movies. So, naturally, we went to see "Cowboys and Aliens", because that's a good romantic movie for our fifth anniversary, right?
After sitting through five hours of previews (I exaggerate, but really Rave Motion Pictures, how many previews do you need to show before starting the movie??), Dale and I realized we had run out of Coke right before the movie started (that was Dale's fault). So Dale missed the beginning but there wasn't much to miss, since our poor woobie protagonist was just as confused as we were.
The movie follows the hero's journey of Jake, last name difficult to spell, who has a typical Western movie name. He wakes up in the middle of the desert, bloodied and wounded, with some weird metal device attached to his wrist. As this is the Old West, there was no cry of "OMGALIEN", but much about "OMGDEMON". After dealing with some guys who decide he must be an escaped convict (dealing with = killing them and taking their horse and their dog), he wanders into a nearby town (which I believe is called Absolution) and makes friends with the preacher, a.k.a. The Wise Old Mentor Figure. There are some serious gaps in his memory, which he realizes when the sheriff decides to arrest him as a convict who robbed the stagecoach of the erstwhile army colonel Harrison Ford (becoming gruffer by the year-because, according to Mayor Thodos, he is old and he hurts). Between being arrested, dealing with Colonel McGruffMan's whiny son, and having some strange girl come up and rattle off cryptic things at him, he has his hands full.
Then the "demons" show up and start abducting people via grappling hooks.
So all must team together to stop these "demons", and learn about themselves and have their character arcs.
Honestly, it was a great movie. It was a little cheesy, which is what one would expect from a movie called "Cowboys and Aliens", but it wasn't nearly as cheesy as I expected, and it actually had a decent plot. The aliens were all right, but creepier when they weren't shown. They looked like the lovechildren of Battle Toads and District 9 aliens. Some of it made me wonder (so why do the aliens have to use grappling hooks?) and some of it made me laugh (the alien's eyes bugging out like a frog's...OH THE LULZ), but it was good fun overall.
They call them demons, but really...
Go see that movie. And avoid scary hair guy. (Clearly he works for the Shadows.)