Friday, June 29, 2012

My God...it's full of root beer

Root Beer: The ROOT of All Evil (Geddit Geddit?)

Umm...yeah.

World's comin' to an end there.

See, this is why everyone should be required to eat a small amount of junk food a day, to inure them to the dread illness of self-righteousness and pettiness. I mean, even if it doesn't do much morally, a hefty dose of chocolate will at least put one in a temporary state of bliss.



Here's the thing. Soda is a common drink. It's everywhere. You can't escape it.

So, when sending one's child off to a place where you can't watch what he eats or drinks, one should probably inform those in charge of what he can or can't have. See? It's simple. It's not difficult.

And say there was a slip up.

One root beer is not going to kill someone, not even in the long run. I remember taking sips of Mom's Dr. Pepper all the time when I was a kid. THAT STUFF IS CAFFEINATED, REMEMBER. And caffeinated!Erica is IncrediblyTalkative!Erica.

I occasionally have a soda. I'm not utterly addicted. I can drink water (though I preferred mine flavored-precious Aquafina, how I adore you!). I can drink juice. I can drink wine. Heck, while we're on it, I can even drink whiskey!

...

Ahem. Anyways. Ignoring the frothing teetotalers who are convinced I'm going to hell, soda. Having five or six sodas a day can cause problems. *coughMomcough* Having a soda every month or so, or even having it once, AIN'T DOIN' NOTHIN'.

So please, Ms. Leah, calm the %^$# down. THE WORLD IS NOT ENDING.

Besides, they could have given him something different.



Wednesday, June 27, 2012

It's that time again

Time for another round of F5ing YouTube!

And for this blog's entertainment, I have decided to contemplate what things Jay will find in the maintenance tunnel of Ye Olde Abandoned Hospital O'Doom.

Counting down from 5, we have...

#5



That's right, Jay will find a Vorlon, and one with major anger issues. After being force-choked and told his YouTube channel is "intolerable", he will be forced to sit and watch as Ulkesh and the Operator play chess.


#4



"I'M BRIAN BLESSED!"

After Alex and the Operator fight each other over who is the main villain, Brian Blessed will step up to the plate. Hilarity Ensues.



#3



The Decepticons have taken over the basement for their new base. Jay will be pressed into service, and attempt to steal information from the Autobots. He will succeed beyond everyone's wildest dreams, because the Autobots never even notice Laserbeak sitting beside them watching TV. Jay will make a career as a Decepticon stooge, and will be spared when Megatron takes over the world.


#2




Just Pinkie Pie.

Why?

It's Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie has no explanation. Pinkie Pie needs no explanation.


And the number one guess of what Jay will find down the tunnel is....

#1



BA-DUM-TSHH.



Now that I've gotten all my nonsense, absurdity, and surrealism out of the way...I'm going to continue F5ing YouTube in the hopes of a new entry tonight.



Thursday, June 14, 2012

Obligatory "I'm F5ing YouTube" Pre-Entry Post

So while I wait breathlessly for the next Marble Hornets entry, which promises to be a doozy, I started thinking of what precisely could happen in this scenario. After all, Jay was going to remind Tim of his days as a mask-wearing weirdo, and Tim was going to tell Jay...something. Something apparently very important. I see several possibilities.

Jay: Tim, I think you need to see the Marble Hornets tapes. They show you being attacked by Alex with a pipe...stick...pipe...whatever, he hits you in the head and then you get stalked by an eldritch horror and you started wearing a mask and tackling people.
Tim: Jay...I'm pregnant.
*DRAMATIC CHORD*

However, this doesn't seem to be an episode of Space Ghost, so I doubt this will happen.

This is a more likely scenario.

Jay: Tim, Alex attacked you, an eldritch horror stalked you, and you wore a mask and tucked me into bed.
Tim: Jay, Alex attacked me, an eldritch horror stalked me, and I wore a mask and tucked you into bed. Also your hat is the ark.
*DRAMATIC CHORD*

Or, perhaps, this.

Jay: Tim, I have something important to tell you!
Tim: Jay, I have something more important!
Operator: Guys, I have something really important to say. I'm not a businessman.
*DRAMATIC CHORD*

The possibilities for this entry are endless.



However, it will probably just be a painfully awkward conversation followed by either A.) Chasing Hoody through the backwoods of Alabama, or B.) Being chased by the Operator through the backwoods of Alabama.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have lots F5ing to do and lots of cookies to bake.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Book Review: The Troupe by Robert Jackson Bennett

George Carole does not know his father. He was raised by his grandmother, and the only clue to his father’s identity is an old ticket stub from the Silenus troupe, famous on the vaudeville circuit. In desperation George leaves behind his home and his only employment to find the troupe. But when he does, he discovers their jobs are much more than mere entertainment-and that he may be the key to what they’ve been searching for all along.

The first reason I decided to pick up this book and read was because the plot sounded like a fantasy, but was placed in the fiction section, an “honor” awarded to only the best fantasy stories out there. And I’m extremely glad I did.

Bennett does his job well. He can paint a scene with a few well-chosen words, making this book not only more engaging but much more readable than many wordier authors. He doesn’t hold back-his protagonist is only sixteen years old and we the reader get to watch as he does things we know are stupid, but are keeping in line with his rather reckless character, and we can gain insight from his observations that he does not. Each of the characters were colorful, even ones that were shown only once or twice, and each place gets its own colorful description as well, both mundane and fantastic. But the best descriptions are reserved for the fantastic appearing in the mundane.

I was also impressed that Bennett does a good job with horror too. The first glimpses of the antagonists are…creepy. He places them firmly in the uncanny valley, making them constantly unnerving. The author even has his own cosmology for the book, and I could definitely see a Tolkien influence peeking through here, even when I recognized some aspects of the cosmology didn’t precisely make sense.

It’s difficult to describe this book without giving away the main plot. Needless to say, Bennett is a wonderful author, and The Troupe is a book that stays with you for a long time afterward.