Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween? More like Helloween! (Wait that's a band...)

It is that time again, everyone. That time of year in which the godless perform their profane rituals, with their children, on the streets of our cities. That time of year in which Satan and his minions delight, in which the ignorant revel. It is Halloween.

Many will say that it is harmless. Many will say that it is a Christian holiday remembering the martyrs. And some will say that it was another hijacked pagan holiday, because let me tell you, we loved us some holiday-hijacking. But none of that is true. In reality, Halloween is sending you straight on the road to hell.

Halloween teaches our children to be unloving toward the neighbors. It tells children to go door-to-door, insisting that their neighbors give them a gift. A gift is not demanded, but freely given. Clearly Halloween is teaching wrong ideas.

The worst part of Halloween is the blatant idolization of evil spirits. Children dress up in all manner of horrendous costumes.

Adorable Witches:

Adorable Vampires:

Adorable Monsters:

Because the Necronomicon is totally real, right?

This must be stopped. As Christians, we must do something different. Instead, we will hold harvest celebrations. Harvest celebrations include a bonfire, a feast, and gathering pumpkins and other crops, none of which sound anything at all like Samhain. At all.

A/N: If you choose not to celebrate Halloween that's perfectly fine. Just don't be a self-righteous reactionary jerk about it.

A/N: Also if you choose to celebrate Reformation Day, please do not nail anything to the door of your local Catholic church, because then you could get arrested.

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