CUSTOMS, OF THE NON-RELIGIOUS TYPE
Garibaldi: No, you can’t bring a knife here! I don’t care if it’s the Easter Bunny’s knife, it’s illegal.
Garibaldi: Whose idea was it to gather all different religions here at once? AND WHAT IS PLOT!CATHERINE DOING HERE?
G’KAR LIKES RED LIGHTBULBS, OR SOMETHING
G’Kar sings a Narn song that sounds remarkably like Gilbert and Sullivan. Also, he is cooking pillbug.
Tu’Pari: Hi G’Kar! I’ve brought you an Important Thing About Stuff.
Important Thing About Stuff: Hi, I’m Du’Rog, and I am dying. And you can too.
Du’Rog: After I’m dead all my money is going to hiring an assassin to kill you. They’ll be there about two days after you get this. It’ll be fun. Tootles.
Na’Toth: Hi, I’m your new aide.
TOTALLY NOT INTERESTED IN THE EX-GIRLFRIEND. AT ALL.
Garibaldi: Your ex-girlfriend is here.
Sinclair: Oh, no problem. Not interested at all.
Sinclair: She can be here if she wants, we’ll be busy enough to avoid each other.
Sinclair: I’ll just get on back to my duties then and not think about Catherine.
Sinclair: She, ah, wasn’t with anyone, was she?
CENTAURI THROW THE BEST PARTIES
Londo throws food, music plays happily, and people eat and drink. ESPECIALLY DRINK.
Ivanova: YAY PARTIES!
Vir: We started celebrating after we beat up another species. It’s a great party.
Londo: They went to the Castle AAAAGGHHH… GEDDIT?
After shouting “A’tooo” which is apparently an attempt to sing “Werewolves of London”, Londo throws some food at Sinclair and shows off the gods.
Londo: Morgoth, protector of front doors.
Sinclair: Where’s Catherine?
Garibaldi: Business sector. Flee while you still can.
Londo: Hey Delenn we should date. Garibaldi we should date too!
Vir: I think I saw a fanfic like that once.
Catherine: So this is awkward.
Sinclair: Yep. Sure is. Just to let you know I totally broke up with Carolyn.
Catherine: That’s nice. Your pants are talking to you. It’s a bit scary.
Ivanova Commlink: Commander…? Londo’s passed out and Garibaldi and Vir started singing “Werewolves of London” and Delenn is crying under the table and…
Sinclair: Let’s go on a date.
Catherine: Don’t we do this every few years?
Sinclair: Yep. See you at 8?
Catherine: I’m there.
G’Kar: I’m so very sad that Ko’Dath was shoved out an airlock.
Na’Toth: At least she didn’t have a bridge dropped on her.
G’Kar: So you were totally the assassin hired to kill me, right?
Na’Toth: If I were you would be dead. And you’ll get a black flower when the assassin comes. That’s how they work.
G’Kar: Sure. You know all about how assassinations work, don’t you?
Later, G’Kar has bad dreams.
G’Kar: No…no Du’Rog I don’t want to tap dance OH GOD A BLACK FLOWER.
Na’Toth: I didn’t do it.
G’Kar: Fine, fine I totally believe that. I need you to find Tu’Pari, and I’m going to go fetch a bodyguard.
DANGER WILL ROBINSON
A noob Minbari arrives.
Delenn: Ohai Lennier. You can look up, otherwise you’ll walk into a wall, pass out, and possibly never wake up.
Delenn: Also don’t call me Satai or people will be confused as to why I’m here as an ambassador.
Delenn: Also you can help out with the Minbari ritual. And keep stuttering in that adorable way.
MAYBE THIS WASN’T SUCH A GOOD IDEA
G’Kar: I have nowhere to go.
N’Grath: LOL. The Narn needs protection. It’ll cost you your soul. Here, I give you the guy from The Goonies.
G’Kar: That works.
Sloth: HAI G’KARRRRRR!
EVERY THREE YEARS DATE NIGHT
Catherine: So let’s get this over with. We discuss being at the academy, our family, then we talk about how we fought and have sex.
Sinclair: ...let's just skip to the end.
THE MINBARI THROW THE WORST PARTIES
Delenn: Valen said some pretty epic things, and everyone decided to be awesome. And then we eat berries.
Sinclair: Sounds like fun. Sounds like something I could totally come up with when I’m bored.
Delenn eats a berry in an…oddly suggestive manner. And then she stares at Sinclair rather intently, which just makes things more awkward than they already were.
WELL THAT DIDN’T WORK OUT
G’Kar: Where’s my bodyguard?
Sloth: *is dead*
5 SECONDS LATER
Garibaldi: So you totally don’t know this guy, and he just randomly showed up in your room dead? Ooh, nice lingerie.
G’Kar: THAT’S NOT MINE.
G’Kar: Ohai Tu’Pari. Where’d you get that data crystal.
Tu’Pari: Shu’Toth gave it to me please don’t hurt me I won’t do it again.
G’Kar: That’s…that’s Na’Toth’s father…
QUANTIUM-40 INDUCED PARTY
Sinclair’s listening to Tennyson until Catherine shows up with food, flarn, and wine to celebrate her find of some sort of important thing.
Catherine: Let us quote Tennyson. Also we should totally get together again.
Sinclair: AND THEN WE CAN GO BACK IN TIME TOGETHER!
Narn Person: Nu’Dak our courier got lost.
G’Kar: Wait, what?
TU’PARI’S HAPPY FUN TIME BASEMENT
Tu’Pari: I’m wearing glasses lol. And you’re wearing paingivers.
G’Kar: And for some reason you don’t have six fingers.
Tu’Pari: Can’t have it all.
Tu’Pari: You should leave, or terrible things will happen.
Na’Toth: Nah. I’m the backup. Oh, paingivers. So boring. Here, I’ll show you how to do it.
*kicks G’Kar A LOT*
Tu’Pari: Wow, this is fun! But I still don’t trust you.
Na’Toth: That was easy. Kicking you to break the paingivers worked out well.
G’Kar: I’m sure there was no other way to do it.
Na'Toth: NONE AT ALL.
Na’Toth: Wow, Tu’Pari, you were knocked out for like three days.
G’Kar: And I gave you lots of money.
Tu’Pari: But they’ll think I betrayed them!
Na’Toth: Yep, they’ll be here in about an hour. Sucks to be you.
G’Kar: You’d better take the next ship out.
They then skip off giggling, which draws more than a few people’s attention, probably because two Narns skipping and giggling means something terrible either has happened or will happen soon.
AND EARTH’S PARTIES ARE JUST KIND OF MEH
Everyone is utterly confused by Sinclair’s way of demonstrating Earth religions.
Sinclair: Come on in guys. This is an atheist, who is totally not J. Michael Straczynski. And here are a number of religions, including an Amish guy. How he got here when he hates technology is anyone’s guess.