Friday, December 20, 2013

Parody 5: S1, E6: Mindscrew


FYI Space is Purple, and someone vaporizes some Psi-Cop types.


STOP SAYING THOSE THINGS

Sinclair: Such a quiet, ordinary day.

Catherine: Yes. I’m sure nothing will go wrong at all.


OBLIGATORY STAR TREK REFERENCE

Bester: Ohai.

Security Guard: CHEKOV! You’re my hero!

Bester: D-:<


DISCO GODS

Guy: You can go check on Sigma-957. There are totally no super powerful disco beings hanging out there. Just don’t tell anyone k?

Catherine: Sure.

Guy: Also people fight over that area of space. We’ll need G’Kar’s approval.

Catherine: What.


SINCLAIR TALKS TO HIMSELF ANYWAYS

Sinclair: Nice day, nice day. Yep, it was…HEY YOU’RE IN MY HEAD GO AWAY.

Bester: Sorry I keep forgetting.

Sinclair: So who are you guys?

Bester: I’m Bester, I’m a Psi-Cop and I’m here to help!


APARTMENT

Ironheart: I’ll take it, as long as it’s far away from people.

Apartment Lady: Kthxbai.

The room then rattles about threateningly. This is a bad sign, right up there with someone saying “Nothing can go wrong”.


OBVIOUSLY EVIL

Kelsey: So Ironheart got reassigned to a super secret operation and now he’ll probably sell that information or something.

Talia: He wouldn’t do that. He was my boyfriend.

Bester: Looks like we get to scan you!:-D

Kelsey: It won’t be fun. :-D

Bester and Kelsey do spirit fingers at Talia, which is apparently horrible, because Talia grasps at her head. Commander Chosen One intervenes.

Sinclair: KNOCK IT OFF OR I WILL END YOU.

Ivanova: SO WILL I.

Bester: Just how many people on this station are in love with Talia, anyways?


ZOCALO

G’Kar: Sigma-957 is super creepy. I bet you think I’m a jerk. Well I am. But I’m not just a jerk.

Catherine: You let me go or I’ll go anyways.

G’Kar: You won’t come back.

Catherine: D-:


IRONHEART EXPLAINS THE PLOT

Ironheart: They experimented on me until I woke up and realized I was a Vorlon I had become super powerful and could telekinete the crap out of EVERYTHING.

Talia: I thought all teeks were crazy.

Ironheart: That was back in the Stephen King days.


CATHERINE’S SHIP

Catherine: Let’s go to Sigma-957! I’m sure this won’t end badly.


G’KAR’S RED ROOM

G’Kar: I need a heavy fighter for a mission to Sigma-957. Just in case it ends badly.


BAD LIFE DECISIONS

Ivanova: You know, you could have kind of told us about the SUPER POWERFUL BEING ON THE STATION.

Kelsey: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Bester: And we really don’t know what Ironheart is anymore. He went nuts and killed the head researcher.

Sinclair: Which makes this SO MUCH WORSE.


ARC-RELEVANT PONDERINGS

Ironheart: Psi-Corps is becoming the puppet master of this series and I’m becoming…

Talia: Batmantis?

Ironheart: No. Everything.

Talia: Well that makes great sense. Let me talk to Sinclair about this…


DISCO INFERNO!

Walkers: OHAI! WE’RE A DISCO BALL!

Catherine: WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN

Walkers: Kthxbai.

Catherine: Hello? Computer?

Computer: Oh, we are so dead.

Catherine: …I HATE DISCO.


BUT IRONHEART LOVES DISCO

Ironheart: I’m becoming an energy being.

Sinclair: Sweet!

Ironheart: You’re a bunch of subatomic particles. And I could pull it apart with a thought.

Sinclair: …okay not so sweet.

Talia: We can’t let the Psi-Cops find out how to do this again.

Ironheart: I just need to leave so I can finish turning awesome.


SIGMA-957

Sh’Drog: Ohai Catherine. G’Kar told us to come bail you out after going to the creepy place of doom.

Catherine: Ohhhhhh he was trying to help.


BAD LIFE DECISIONS REDUX

Bester: OHAI IRONHEART.

Talia: You’re distracting him, meaning he’s losing control of his powers, which means we will be destroyed. Idiot.

Sinclair: Idiot! *facepunch*

Kelsey: Hey shooting at the super-powerful disco god is a good idea, right?

Ironheart proceeds to vaporize Kelsey and force-punch Bester.


C&C

Ivanova: The energy surge! IT’S OVER 9000!

Energy!Ironheart: Talia! I have become a disco rave! Here’s an awesome gift that may or may not become arc relevant!


SINCLAIR THREATENS EVERYONE

Sinclair: We’ll accidentally the whole file.

Garibaldi: And you can tell them the ship exploded.

Sinclair: And you can’t blame Talia.

Garibaldi: Also GTFO.

Bester: FINE. I’ll just give you my signature plot-wave and go.

Garibaldi: So how’s Talia? What was with that gift thing?


TALIA IS NOW AWESOME

Talia: *telekinetes the penny*


ZOCALO

Catherine: So what was with that?

G’Kar: Character development. I’ve discussed this. Several times.

Catherine: And what was with the disco ship?

G’Kar: There are super powerful things out there that make us seem like little ants. It’s terrifying and awesome and extremely arc-relevant.

Catherine: Do all super powerful beings like disco?

G’Kar: Yep.


MEANWHILE OUT IN SPACE


Ironheart: *hums Disco Inferno*

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