Saturday, November 30, 2013

Thankfulness Day 30

I'm thankful November is over.

It was really tiring to fill up blog posts about inane, but wonderful things such as trees. Things started getting a bit silly after a while.



So I'm just going to go over here and watch Doctor Who. We've now gotten to the Third Doctor.

The zaniness increases with every regeneration, particularly when the Doctor channels the Colonel.


But seriously, even though November is over, let's all make sure to be grateful for the little things in life.

Haha! Gotta love zaniness.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Thankfulness Day 29

I'm thankful that I'm at home away from all the crazy people that come out of the woodwork on Black Friday.

On that note, here is a ridiculous story about Voldemort going to Wal-Mart on Black Friday.



An owl fluttered through the bright sky, blinking in bewilderment at the sun. It gazed around, squinting its large eyes; then, it spiraled downward and landed on the sill of an ornate manor house. After giving the albino peacocks a bewildered look, it began tapping on the window impatiently. After a moment, a man who appeared to be wearing a Paris Hilton wig answered.
“A message for the Dark Lord? Interesting...” he muttered. Then, glaring at the owl, he added, “Don’t give me that look. This hair is real.” The owl shook its head and flew off.
Lucius sighed and leaned on the windowsill, glad to be away from the Dark Lord for just a few minutes. He was getting worse every day. “Dumbledore was” this and “Potter is” that. Really, couldn’t he just give it up? But now was the time to close his mind; he had to take this message to the Dark Lord.

ONE HOUR LATER...

“This is utter stupidity. Why should we go because some silly Yank Death Eaters want the Dark Lord to give a motivational speech?”
“Quiet Snape! He may hear you!”
“Oh, grow a spine, Lucius. The Dark Lord doesn’t mind us asking his reasons, so long as we agree they’re right all the time.”
“And my reasons, Severus, are to ensure a guard so I don’t have to deal with any foolish Order plots to kill me.” Voldemort strode in and gazed at them all imperiously. “In other words, you may deal with my light work.” A wicked smile. “Are you prepared to leave?”
“Yes my lord,” all said. They strode out and away from the house, and disappeared.

They reappeared in the middle of a cornfield.
Everyone stared around, looking confused.
“Umm...my lord...what do they use to fertilize these fields?”
Voldemort swore and decided he would torch the field later. Just to spite the farmers.
After leaving the field and cleaning themselves up, they were soon met by a wizard swishing toward them in a cloak. He bowed low.
“My lord...welcome to America.”
“Land of the free, home of the brave?” Snape asked scathingly.
“Not for long,” Voldemort retorted. Everyone laughed, figuring it was expected.

Once Voldemort was put up in a nice dark room at the headquarters, his servants figured they might as well get to know the Americans since they had to.
“We know how to sow terror and carnage just as well as you Brits do,” one said proudly.
“And probably more so...” Snape muttered.
“I’m sensing some hostility from you...”
“Really? And how can you do that?”
“Well, you’ve been brandishing your wand at me for the last hour...”
“You had us land in the middle of a field! And they used...”
“Yes, yes, well, we hadn’t expected them to use that for fertilizer, but I guess all this hippie ‘save the earth’ stuff has gotten to them. Anyways, did you bring the cake?”
This question was answered by dead silence.
“Hello? Anyone? Don’t all speak up at once.”
“You didn’t say anything about a cake,” Snape said through gritted teeth.
“Hey, Johnson! Did you tell them about the cake?”
“I thought I did! Did I? I can’t remember now...”
“Johnson’s got a memory problem...”
“Tim, just tell them to go to Wal-Mart for it.” Tim smiled.
“Of course! It’s just down the road!”
This was answered by glares.
“You want us to go to a Muggle store?” Lucius said with disgust.
“Sure. They’ll admire your Paris Hilton wig.”
“This isn’t a wig!”
“Why do we need a cake anyways?” Snape asked.
“Well, you know, our leader, he, uh...well, he’s a wizard, for sure, but somehow he managed to get raised as a Baptist and he hasn’t quite gotten rid of the need to have food at every gathering.”
Snape turned and pounded his head against a wall.
“We’ll see...”
“He gets kinda twitchy if we don’t have some type of food.”

So Snape, Wormtail, and Lucius headed upstairs to give Voldemort the horrific news that they needed a cake.
“Well one of you go get it then,” Voldemort replied irritably. He had actually been practicing his “brooding Dark Lord” look and hated being interrupted like this.
“Lucius?” Snape asked.
“Don’t look at me. You should go. After all, you are a half-blood, aren’t you?” Snape drew his wand, but Voldemort disarmed them both.
“Stop griping, the both of you! Just send Wormtail!”
“My...my lord...I can’t navigate through...”
“No one can, Wormtail! Off with you!” Wormtail scurried out, on his journey to...Wal-Mart.

Wormtail stood outside the entrance, gazing up at the vast building in horror. Wormtail didn’t really like Muggles that much to begin with, and he really didn’t have a clue about how they behaved when out shopping, or anything about department stores. So when faced with the behemoth known as Wal-Mart, he was completely clueless. After hovering outside for some time, watching people go in and out, usually through the wrong doors, he finally took a deep breath and plunged in.
“H’lo...” the greeter muttered, looking sullen. It was clear she had been there all day. Wormtail twitched and scurried off. He hadn’t gotten out of the habit of scurrying yet. Cake...cake...he needed a cake...
He continued to scurry off in a random direction.
Cake...cake...where did they keep cakes here? What was that? And what on earth did they possibly use that for? And...
Ah. Wormtail didn’t need an understanding of Muggle behavior to know what that lacy thing was for...
He hurried off and suddenly found himself being pushed about by buggies. The aisle was filled to the brim with people, many of them extremely moody teenagers.
He had found the electronics department.
Despite his best efforts, he kept getting pushed farther and farther back until he found himself squished against a wall while some very frightening-looking Muggles in dark clothing examined some...things. Boxes of things, or something of that sort. They scanned them under machines which then blared some rather loud, hideous music.
Wormtail had enough. He darted into an empty aisle and transfigured. Luckily he remembered his clothes this time.
“RAT!” A worker came into view, then began chasing him down with a camera tripod. Wormtail scurried away, not unlike the way he scurried when human. He continued for some time, evading workers with other blunt and potentially dangerous objects, and found himself in the back of the building, wondering what on earth he could do.
Ah-ha! An owl had somehow gotten in and was fluttering about, trying to find its way out, and looking highly confused. Wormtail transfigured and rummaged about a desk until he found pen and paper. He scribbled a message, and then summoned the owl (“Accio owl!”), without quite knowing how that worked. He sent the owl off, hoping help would arrive.
There was no way he was going back out there.

Voldemort was relaxing, having a glass of some sort of alcohol that he was pretty sure wasn’t legal at all (it must have been an American thing) when an owl flew in.
“What?” Voldemort read the note, and immediately killed the owl, just because he was in a rather angry mood. He then stormed downstairs.
“HOW IS IT POSSIBLE WORMTAIL CAN’T GET OUT OF A MUGGLE STORE?” he roared.
“Muggle store?” the Americans’ leader asked, confused.
“Me and Tim sent him to Wal-Mart for a cake,” Johnson said cheerfully. His boss immediately Crucio’d him for a time.
“Tim!” Tim wandered in cheerfully.
“Yeah?”
“Why on earth did you send him to Wal-Mart?”
“We needed a cake, and we know you like—”
“That doesn’t matter! It’s Wal-Mart! And it’s the day after Thanksgiving! ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE THERE!” Everyone looked confused.
“Is that a problem, Kyle?”
“YES THAT IS A PROBLEM!” Tim looked bewildered.
“What exactly is the problem with the day after...whatever it is?” Lucius asked.
“Because that is the day all the stores drop their prices for Christmas. SALES. EVERY MUGGLE WOMAN IS THERE RIGHT NOW, ALL FIGHTING OVER EVERYTHING IN THE STORE. AT ONCE.”
They all gasped in unison.
“In other words, total chaos reins?” Voldemort asked. “Hmm...I’m getting ideas on what to do when I take over the world...”
“Well...should we go save Wormtail?” Snape asked, looking bored.
“I suppose we must. This was a rather stupid idea to begin with.”
“Well, if you’re going to rescue him, could you get the cake?” Kyle the American leader asked. They gaped. “What? It’d be a nice thing to have when we have our meeting.” Voldemort sighed.
“Right. Lucius, Snape, you go get Wormtail. I’ll get this cake. But so help me, if anyone gets in my way...”
No one needed to ask what would happen.

Voldemort strode in, casting angry glares at everyone. Everyone stared. But, oddly enough...they didn’t seem afraid.
Including the ten year old that ran up, kicked him in the shin, and shouted “Harry Potter rules!” before running away. Voldemort began to sense that they didn’t realize it was him, but a very deranged fan.
Wait, did that mean he had deranged fans? Excellent. More fools to manipulate. Voldemort strode through and immediately located the bakery, which was not really that hard to do at all. He should never have sent Wormtail. He swished forward...
And a buggy ran over his cloak.
Voldemort fell flat on the ground, and by the time he got back up, the offending buggy was gone. Voldemort knocked over a display out of spite and hurried on. He had quite honestly never seen so many insane people gathered together in his life. And that was after living at an orphanage, attending Hogwarts, and peeping in at Muggle Parliament on a random journey. Adjusting his cloak, he pushed forward through crowds of deranged, turkey-stuffed Muggles.
Foolishness...utter foolishness...
Why did he even decide to do this? He ought to have A/K’d that Kyle fellow.
And why did they know so much about Muggle culture?
While Voldemort paused to ponder this, someone dashed by.
Voldemort looked and then went back to pondering.
Then he did a double take.
No. It couldn’t be...

“Lucius, we have a serious problem, if you hadn’t noticed!”
“Quite frankly, Severus, the only problem I have are the ones who believe me to be Paris Hilton.”
The pair were surrounded by drooling fangirls, many who were clinging to them desperately.
“MARRY ME LUCIUS!” one girl shouted. “Narcissa doesn’t need to know.” Lucius grinned. Snape scowled.
“What? She’s quite nice looking.”
“MARRY ME PARIS!” Lucius looked horrified. The girls began fighting over Snape, and both tore away and dashed off. This was a bit too much.
“Now what?”
“Find Wormtail and run. Very very fast.”
“What about the Dark Lord?”
“...I’m sure he can take care of himself very well.”

Voldemort rushed down an aisle. That’s where she had gone...it had to be Potter’s silly little know it all friend...
Oh. It wasn’t.
The girl gaped at him, looking confused.
She gaped some more.
“Uh...” Voldemort gaped back, unsure what to do about a case of mistaken identity. The girl pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.
“Alyssa? Yeah. I’m in Wal-Mart. Yeah, I know it’s the day after Thanksgiving. Yes, Alyssa, I realize I’m insane. Look, you won’t believe this. Voldemort’s here. He looks confused. Yes, I realize everyone in Wal-Mart is always confused...” Voldemort, utterly bewildered, turned and wandered away.
He tried to move swiftly through the crowd, but he was delayed. First, it was the children who asked him where he got his costume, if they could kick him in the shin, if he was related to Michael Jackson, etc. Then there were the buggies. The buggies were everywhere. And people did not want to move. They parked the buggies directly in the path of everyone else, and were utterly oblivious to someone trying to get through until their buggy was bumped, at which point they would scream obscenities.
“HOW DARE YOU BUMP INTO MY BUGGY YOU $%$%^@#$@%#!@$#%#$^$%^ HIPPOPOTAMUS 6%$@#$@%#$%#$%!DANIEL RADCLIFFE@#$^$%&^%&REPUBLICAN%&$^$%#@%$#%#@ FAR FAR AWAY WHERE NO ONE CAN—” Voldemort wandered away before she could finish the improvised Elder Swear. Clearly another deranged fan. It also reminded him he had to kill that Muggle named Neil Cicierga that was making all those ridiculous videos as well. He thought about just killing everyone in his way, but realized that would bring an entire Wizarding government down on this place. No need to call attention to himself...just get the bloody cake and go...
Ah. There it was. He grabbed it up and stalked back.

“What sort of hideous music is that?” Lucius cried. They had made it to the electronics department. The angry-emo teens there gave them odd looks.
“Harry Potter’s stupid!” they said.
“Well at least we agree on something,” Snape commented. The teens gaped.
“Where did Wormtail say he was?” Lucius hissed.
“Somewhere back here...”
“Lucius! Severus!” Wormtail poked his head from behind a display. “Thank goodness you’re here!”
“Let’s leave now. Is there a back way out?”
“...I don’t know. If there was I wouldn’t have sent for help.” Snape smacked his head against said display, drawing more attention from the teens.
“Would you losers go away?” Lucius had enough. Using his rudimentary knowledge of Muggle culture he transfigured the teens into preps and stalked off, Snape and Wormtail following.
“GAA! ABERCROMBIE BURNS!”
Voldemort looked at the lines. He could just leave. But then that would set off those alarms, which would call down Muggle police, and if he fought off Muggle police it would alert the Wizarding police, and the entire plan would be ruined. So he had to stand in line. The shortest line had ten people in it, all of whom had buggies full of stuff. The first person placed their items on the counter. About halfway through an item wouldn’t scan. The salesperson took about five minutes to see if it would scan, then looked at a list, then tried to scan the item again. Then they called someone over, who also scanned the item, looked at the list, scanned the item again, then called another person over. This third person repeated the process, then picked up a phone and an announcement went up for a price check. Then, silence. This was going to take a while.

Lucius, Snape and Wormtail had gotten out of the electronics department and were darting down an aisle. Suddenly, three people leapt out!
Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
“What? How is this possible?” Lucius cried. They only grinned.
“Ron, take their wands!” Harry said.
“All right!” The shout interrupted them. Several kids gathered around them, gazing at them avidly. “A real battle! Right here!” They were all fans.
“Uh...maybe you should go...” Harry said.
“Oh let us watch. Please?”
“Oh dear.”

Nearly every person in the line had an item that refused to scan, and so the tedious process of discovering the price went on. Then, one of the people was a little old lady, who took an extraordinary amount of time writing her check, and then had to ask the price several times, and then wasn’t sure if she had signed her name right, and could she check and see? And finally, the person before Voldemort stepped in line.
“That will be $20.95.” The man pulled out his checkbook, then swore. No checks. Then he pulled out his wallet and flipped through. No money.
“Hold on.” He dug into his jeans pockets, his shirt pockets, and then his jacket pockets.
“Where did I put my credit card...?” He continued his search. Voldemort wanted to tell him to steal the item, but then realized that would draw attention to himself as well.

“Would you all go away?” Snape cried. “And Potter, how on earth did you find out about our being here?”
“We have our methods, Snape! Now, let me kill you before Voldemort does!” Snape rolled his eyes, and Lucius simply curled his hair around his fingers. Wormtail hovered by, looking nervous. Ron and Hermione were busy arguing and some of the fans were trying to get them to make out.

Voldemort finally placed the cake on the counter.
“Do you have ID?” the cashier asked.
“What?”
“ID. This is a rum cake, and our new rules are that if a food has alcohol in it you must have picture ID.”
“Do I really look like I’m under 21?” Voldemort asked, remembering that foolish little Muggle law in this country.
“I still need ID.”
“I don’t have an ID. I’m here visiting.”
“Do you have someone with you who has an ID?”
“No. Otherwise they would have come themselves!”
“I still need ID.” Voldemort began to lose patience entirely. And then he saw Snape, Lucius, and Wormtail darting toward the door, pursued by Harry, Ron, Hermione, and several fans, including that odd girl from before.
“The Order is here!” Lucius cried right before they left. Voldemort had enough. He whipped out his wand.
“That’s it! I’m leaving, I’m taking the cake, and...” Suddenly about a dozen Order Members leapt out at once. Scowling, Voldemort decided there was no need to stay. He Disapparated...all the way back to Britain.
“Wait a minute, did we not just talk about setting up a perimeter around here so he couldn’t do that?” Kingsley Shacklebolt cried. “Oh, someone is in so much trouble...”
After wiping everyone’s memories they went outside, where Lucius, Snape, and Wormtail had also Disapparated. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stood out there...with Johnson, Tim, and Kyle.
“We almost had him, but someone messed up,” Kingsley explained, scowling at his crew. Everyone looked sheepish, because no one could actually remember being told to set up a perimeter.
“Well, it almost worked,” Kyle said. “I have to say, though, Tim almost blew it telling them I was raised Baptist.”
“I had to think of some reason to get the cake!”

“I doubt we’ll ever get him to come back,” Johnson sighed. With that, they left, cheered away by avid fans, and one lady finishing her Elder Swear with, “%^$@!#!^%^&%^ ALAKAZAM!”

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thankfulness Day 28

I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF ALL THIS FOOD.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thankfulness Day 27

You know what people think is weird? An adult watching children's cartoons voluntarily, without having any children actually around. People seem to think you're, at best, a bit eccentric, and at worst, some sort of child predator. (That's mainly reserved for men, though.)

But you know what? I don't care. The new My Little Pony is far more interesting than most of the shows on TV today. Don't talk to me about weird when you're watching women with too much lip plumper parading around in overly-revealing dresses screeching at each other about trivial nonsense and generally showing off their inability to function like decent human beings for any length of time. (I hate getting stuck with the treadmill right in front of one of the five hundred TVs showing some manner of "housewives" show.)

So, keep your plastic alien people who have no concept of human relationships. Sure, I watch a show for children, so the morals are a bit simplistic. But it's sad when a bunch of brightly colored ponies know how to behave better than adults. I mean, come on. They're non-existent. You don't really get much sadder than being a worse person than a non-existent pink pony.

I think I lost that metaphor. TIME TO WATCH PONIES AND Q.

No, really, it makes perfect sense.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Thankfulness Day 26

You know what makes early Christmas music bearable?

TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA, THAT'S WHAT.

It's revolting to hear Mariah Carey shriek over the radio repeatedly, because someone thinks listening to Christmas music non-stop starting the beginning of November is sane.

But TSO can be safely enjoyed throughout the year without loss of sanity.

Also you have things like this that go on until the fender-benders due to rubber-neckers become too great.

Scrooge would not have felt nearly as humbuggish if he'd had this instead of carolers.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Thankfulness Day 25

Sometimes we get into a bind. Sometimes that bind may involve increasing prices at the laundromat. There are many other types of binds, but the laundromat one is super-relevant to me lately.

Luckily, most of us have some friend or another who will help us out of our bind. A lot of people claim they have literally no one, but often they overlook someone perfectly willing to help.

Today, I am thankful for the Stanfords who are letting me use their washer and dryer. Thankful for friends who are watching my back.

Because remember kids, friendship may be magic, but laundry is not.

CURSES.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Thankfulness Day 24

I was going to do a generic thankfulness thing but then I saw this.

They showed a clip of the Marble Hornets movie at the latest 'con, and this is a description of it.

OKAY I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR THIS MOVIE NOW.

So, I'm thankful for scary YouTube vlogs becoming scary movies.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2737926/?ref_=nv_sr_1

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Thankfulness Day 23

WELL LOOKY HERE. GUESS WHAT 50TH ANNIVERSARY TODAY IS??

Unfortunately I'm almost 50 years behind everyone else, because I'm still on the Second Doctor. But I'll catch up. Eventually.

Anyways, in celebration and thankfulness for the show, here's a video of Frenzy attacking the Daleks.


video

Friday, November 22, 2013

Thankfulness Day 22

Contrary to popular belief, it was Greeks that invented the pizza, not Italians.

Now that I'm sequestered far away from any and all angry Italians, I can continue. Greeks invented the pizza by putting cheese and olive oil (OF COURSE!) on pita bread. Then the Romans ran with it, but that still wasn't the pizza we know of today.

That is Italian, or rather Neapolitan. Either way, lots of people realized it was a great idea to throw cheese and olive oil on bread.

Today, I am thankful for pizza. I got one of those really cheap Totino's cheese pizzas and sauteed some onions for it. Really, pizza is a great idea. You have bread, tomatoes, vegetables, meat, and dairy, all in one food. And if you're not eating Chicago pizza you can just pick it up and eat it.

Pizza is also the most awesome food ever.

Especially if someone was smart enough to put cheese in the crust.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Thankfulness Day 21

You know what's really awesome? Music. Music has played a really really big part in human history. The Bible, for example, is filled with references to people "making a joyful noise". The moment people realized they could make pretty sounds with their voices (and whatever else they could find), they started doing it.

I started out with fairly limited musical experience. It was either A.) Bluegrass and hymns, or B.) Mom put her David Bowie record on again! Silly Mom!

Oh, Seventies. You so silly.

Then, I discovered Carmen. No, not the opera. I wasn't that cultured. I discovered Carmen the Christian singer.

ZOMG. I WAS LISTENING TO "RAP" MUSIC. TEEHEE. (Oh, the mind of a nine year old.)

After that, I realized that there was Other Music out there. I started out with classic rock, because I figured, hey, we're already listening to David Bowie, right?

SERIOUSLY WHAT WAS UP WITH THE SEVENTIES


I moved into more rock music, as well as getting back into country (when it didn't sound exactly like "guy with acoustic guitar" songs).

But then, after that, I discovered...wait for it...

METAL.

*JARRING CHORD*

The purveyor of all that is dark about the world. The music featured on a Law and Order episode to inform us that the perpetrator was REALLY REALLY EVIL. I can't let anyone hear me listening to--

Oh wait, Mom wants a copy of my Metallica CD. Ah.

I've sampled more and more types of music over the years (especially during the Cursed Music Appreciation Class), and I'm glad of it. Right now, I have a YouTube playlist full of "classical" music (as in, instrumental, not the actual genre of classical, although some of that too), songs composed for movie trailers (SO EPIC), rock, pop, country, folk and bluegrass, all kinds. Music arguments are dumb to me. I listen to what I like.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to Haydn, and maybe after that I'll pull up some Red.

Because if there's one thing that makes me grateful for music, it's that I can use it to confuse people.

Well at least we can move on to the eight--OH COME ON BOWIE THIS IS A KID'S MOVIE SERIOUSLY


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Short Film Review: East of Kensington

My review can be summed up in one short sentence:

AAAGGGH RIGHT IN THE FEELS.

The link I'll provide explains everything, but in essence, it is a short 20-minute sequel to Peter Pan, and oh...it hits hard. Peter returns years later to fetch Wendy again, but is instead kidnapped by a stranger living in the Darling house. The story is rather dark and atmospheric but also done very well, and brings up a few "what-if" questions regarding what happens after the story ends.

It's currently available for free on Short of the Week.

Thankfulness Day 20

When I was about...oh, ten years old, I decided it would be a grand idea to get my hair cut short.

Why this deranged thought entered my mind is anyone's guess, but it was there, and being a ten year old, I had it done.

Unfortunately it was the kind of hair cut grown women wear, which looked weird. The other unfortunate part?

My slightly wavy hair grew out into GIGANTIC HERMIONE CURLS. Gaaa where did this come from? How--? Why--?

It didn't matter. The thick, insane curls were there, and they weren't going away.

So I wore a ponytail for the next 8 years, except for an interlude where I attempted to blow dry my hair straight every day. (Or, rather, made Mom do it-I'm not holding a blow dryer up that long!) And then I kept stealing Kim's straightener for my hair during my year at Bluefield. 

Then, I arrived in the Quad Cities, and found, to my surprise...a lot of people with big curly hair, most specifically Barb and Jewell. How did their hair look so fantabulous? Well, Jewell introduced me to the book called "Curly Girl".

OOHHHHH. Shampoo dries the hair out. SO CONDEETIONER IS BETTER

OOOHHHH. Brushing your hair makes it fluffy. (Why I didn't figure this out over the last 8 years is anyone's guess.)

My fumbling beginnings at doing things dry curly hair likes took off, and then I discovered the Naturally Curly website.

There are so many things about hair people never think about, until you start having issues with it. I discovered that my scalp problems weren't really dandruff, but a combination of build-up from silicone-heavy products and dry scalp (which is not, and never will be, the same as dandruff). I found some conditioners free of silicones, and I found Herbal Essence mousse which can simply be rinsed out, no shampoo necessary.

To emphasize just how awesome my discovery of this entire underworld of curly hair information is, let me show you a before and after picture:

WHAT IS THAT COMING OFF THE SIDE OF MY HEAD??


ACTUAL CURLS

So today I am thankful for curly hair, my curly friends, and the Naturally Curly website.

Now I just have to worry about looking like Bellatrix when my hair comes out of its braid during the night.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Marble Hornets Entry 79 Prediction: RAEG Edition!



LOOK AT THAT FACE. DO YOU FEEL THE JAYRAEG? IT IS COMING OFF THE SCREEN AT YOU RIGHT NOW.

When we last left our incompetent hero, he had attempted to attack his friend for something his friend didn't really remember, then was hoisted by his own petard (or, rather, tied up with his own zip ties), and squirmed around on the floor until Hoody rescued him. It ended with him vowing to find Tim and Alex.

Clearly this is going to be a big entry. An epic one. The...dare I say it? Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.

Jay calls Tim, insisting he wants to apologize. In a parking lot. At night.

Tim arrives, but Jay's hopes of punching him in the face do not work, because Tim is wearing a pink helmet. This does not work for Jay because he doesn't have good aim.

Frustrated at his efforts to punch Tim in the face, Jay flees into the night, hoping to find Alex in Rosswood. Weeks go by, and then we see that Jay has grown a mustache in the interim, and has started wearing a pair of Alex's glasses, which Alex took off because clearly it impedes his laser vision.

At this point Jay is totally under The Operator's control who has forced Jay into making nature videos, hoping it will lure more victims to the forest. Alex has been forced into being the cameraman. Tim is unable to save them, because it is hard to roller blade in forests. 

Luckily, Hoody arrives, with the deed to Rosswood Forest, having earned enough money to purchase the park via making cryptic threat videos for various mobsters. The Operator is evicted, but vows to return, even if that means bringing in a band to perform a cover version of "Big Yellow Taxi". The horror felt at this threat is palpable as the entry ends.

Thankfulness Day 19

Today, I am thankful for historical records. Since that's what I want to study at college (archiving and all that), it's kind of a big thing with me.

First off, it is the 150th anniversary of the Gettysburg address. It is a beautiful and moving speech. Lincoln didn't show up to cast blame or to insist anyone got what they deserved. Instead, he honored all the soldiers, regardless of which side they fought on. He made copies of this speech, one of which was given to the Cornell University library. Thanks to the historian Bancroft, we can still read that speech in Lincoln's own handwriting (which looks about as legible as mine).

Secondly, thanks to historical records, da Vinci's instrument the viola organista has been built. We had da Vinci's designs on hand, but it took Slawomir Zubrzycki to build it. Now, after 500 years, it's been heard for the first time. Check it out here!


Monday, November 18, 2013

Thankfulness Day 18

You know what's fun? Learning new things.

And I just reminded everyone in the world that I'M A NERD I'M A NERD LOOK AT ME I'M A NERD.

But I'm actually talking about more than just traditional subjects one learns in school. I'm talking about anything. I've heard it said that we should learn at least one new thing a day.

The reason this popped into my mind is that I finally figured out how to make maple and brown sugar oatmeal without resorting to tiny Quaker packets.

I've learned a lot of new ways to cook things lately. Being the main chef of the household, I've had to do more than just pour stuff from a box and throw some water in it. And, cliche as it is, I've gotten to the point that I prefer the food I cook here to food cooked in a restaurant. Restaurants tend to throw way too much salt on things, and that's usually the extent of their flavoring.

I've also learned how to drive around the Quad Cities without getting lost. (Most of the time-one way streets are still my bane.) This is important, as I have a very bad tendency to get lost.

Through my college classes, I've learned a variety of fun facts that I can randomly bring up into conversation. I excel at bringing random facts into the conversation.

This is a really big world, not to mention universe. There's always something new around the corner.

George...George no...

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Thankfulness Day 17

Today, I am thankful for humor.

I often use humor. I often talk about humor. But I don't often stop to think about how great it is to have humor.

Humor can be used to mock, or it can be used to lift up. During Psychology class, we discussed how laughter is often a social tool, and is used to establish superiority over the object of the joke.

So every time someone makes a grimdark joke about death (see: military humor), they are making fun of death. This works especially well for Christians, since Christ defeated death and gave everyone a chance at life.

Speaking of mockery, I like to imagine the outrage that happened when that one demon (it's always that one guy that gets in trouble, I bet) has to awkwardly announce to his boss that, um, the special prisoner kind of escaped, and He took a bunch of the others with Him, err, what do we do now boss?

C.S. Lewis himself seemed a fan of this approach. One of my favorite parts in The Screwtape Letters is when Screwtape is ranting about the "Patient"'s new girlfriend. However, he seems most angry at the idea that she's the type to laugh at him. (Which serves to make us laugh even harder than we were already doing.)

Humor is often what is used to face fears and challenges.

Laughter is a very powerful weapon indeed.

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS ONE OF THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY, OH BOOM, YOU TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DID YOU?

Props to l0gun on deviantArt


Saturday, November 16, 2013

Theological Dispute Flow Chart

Simple, easy-to-follow method to winning any argument, any time!

Quickest debate-ender ever!

Thankfulness Day 16

Things like this. Just things like this.

Friday, November 15, 2013

I MADE A THING

Dale and I went out last night, and per tradition, I drew on the to-go box. My usual drawings consist of a very silly representation of the ancient Vorlon god Boojee (complete with smiley face bucket and stop sign).

I added a few extras this time around.

That's a stop sign. Really.


What do you mean, you can't read my handwriting?

Neither can I. Don't feel bad.

Thankfulness Day 15

Mornings.

That's right, I went there. I'm thankful for mornings.

In as much as I am not a morning person, and will snarl at you if you wake me before my alarm (I have incredibly epic music by Two Steps From Hell to wake me up-I cannot snarl at that), I do enjoy the feeling of early mornings. Seeing the sun cut through the mist-or seeing it rise (that's a rarity for me). The smell of coffee (that's how I become awake enough to appreciate mornings). Sizzling bacon. (I have to do that myself now. It was better when I would wake up to the smell of bacon. See: Granddad, burning of bacon.)

I have two favorite mornings, which happen to coincide with my favorite holidays: Christmas and Easter. (See: church, only two times a year where are you guys srsly.

On Christmas morning, we would naturally get up far more alert than usual, because presents. There was also breakfast to look forward to. It was tradition for the entire Sarver clan (and trust me, by clan I mean CLAN. How did we all fit into one room? Subspace, I guess.) get together for breakfast. We took turns hosting it, and it was usual Southern fare-bacon, eggs, bacon, sausage, bacon, pancakes, bacon, toast, and, of course, bacon. Normally breakfast would go on well into the morning, because not everyone got up early for some bizarro reason. (Understandable on days that are not Christmas.)

Now Christmas morning is: get up, drink some coffee, and head to church. After church is coffee hour, where people often exchange gifts with others they don't see as often, and meet visitors from out of town. Then, it's back home, where we have lunch (I tend to make potato bacon soup, because it is amazing, and has bacon) and open presents, and depending on the plans of other family members, watch cheesy holiday movies the rest of the day.

Easter morning goes a bit differently. Back in Virginia it was church, then an Easter egg hunt, then a Really Big Dinner involving ham. (Pretty much everything involves ham in some way in the South, I think.)

Easter morning now is "What time is it?" "9." "I'm going back to sleep, we didn't get home until 2 last night." "I'M GETTING UP WE GET LAMB TODAY."

See, our Easter service actually starts at 11:30 the night before. This means we get through the Resurrection service by midnight, then we have an actual liturgy, then we go eat lamb soup (don't ask me to spell the Greek name, I can't remember it), break eggs, and more or less indulge our meat-starved systems as much as possible, and watch the younger altar boys pass out on the sofa because they haven't hit the teenage years where sleep is for lozers. Then we totter home and prepare for Easter afternoon, because there is no way you're getting anyone in to church at 10 am after that.

So, as I sit here, drinking my coffee, I get ready for another morning. Once the coffee kicks in, my thought processes should be slightly more coherent.

Oh mornings. How I love and hate you.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Thankfulness Day 14

Candles.

I know, I know, totally random.

But candles.

I really love good-smelling candles. Especially the ones that actually fill the air with a scent instead of just kind of filling the two square inches around them with scent. I remember back in youth Bible study, it was almost a ritual to pass around the apple-cinnamon candle and smell it before getting started. (It was a strange Bible study.) When going through the candle aisle of the store, I have to stop and smell them.

There's something about the soft light of a candle that makes everything seem cozier. Last Christmas (and now this Christmas too) I put up a battery-powered candle (no real candles in the window-either the curtains or the kitten would catch fire). No lights, nothing else. Just the candle. I liked the effect. It was worthy of an Alabama song.

When I was in the middle of my super-organizing-everything project, I found a box from the church rummage sale. From LAST YEAR. Inside the box was four pretty candles, and as it turns out, they smell good! It's sort of a melon-y smell, and melons are delicious. They had green ribbons on them, but Frenzy kept eating the ribbons so finally I took them off. (Frenzy sulked for a while when she saw this.)

So hooray for scented candles, unless you're seriously trying not to eat sweets, at which point the smell of pie will become maddening.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Thankfulness Day 13

As you may have noticed, I work at a library. The reason I work at a library is because LIBRARIES ARE FREAKING AWESOME.

I got my first library card when I was five years old. I felt so special holding that thing. It was my super-magic-wizard key to all manner of books.

I had so much fun running around the library. I even played around with the microfiche reader upstairs, even though it was more just "flip through and look at the old picture from the newspapers" as opposed to, you know, reading them.

I was always excited for library day at school. I'd come away with a huge stack of books that surprised exactly no one. And, naturally, I would brag about how often my Book-It pin filled up, and how DELEEECIOUS the Pizza Hut pizza was. (Seriously, those people who say rewarding behavior a kid already likes will decrease their motivation do not know the power of a pan pizza.)

Anyways, the library was also a source of comfort to me. During high school, after three periods worth of loud people, I would eat lunch quickly, then go to the library. Most of the time the door was locked, but Mrs. Hendricks always forgot to lock the side door. I would go hide behind the stacks and read, and the last class of the day was always that much more bearable.

Then the other kids noticed I found a way in, and they promptly used it to come inside and play on Facebook, and Mrs. Hendricks started locking both doors. CURSES.

When I first moved up to the Quad Cities, and before I found a job (and when I was between jobs) I would spend a great deal of time at the library. It was quiet, and warm (I liked that part during the winter), and a good place to get away and write.

Then I got my job, and realized that I really did want to spend my life working at a library in some capacity or another. Who says you have to get a job you hate?

So let's be thankful for libraries, founts of knowledge, and hang-out spots for the type of people who think we're actually in another dimension. (HERE'S TO YOU CUBS GUY.)

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Thankfulness Day 12

You know what I really like to do? Read. I love reading. It's the thing I'm best at, reading. You can even make a career out of reading! Look at me, I'm a librarian!

All of the awkward, with only a quarter of the adventure.

I'm not one of those people that can remember the first book I read. It was probably Dr. Seuss, or something. I do remember some of the books that stuck in my head. I loved the Francis books. (When I was shelving once, I spotted a Francis book, and said out loud, "Awww Francis!" I got a lot of odd looks.) Dr. Seuss was of course high on the list because who doesn't love Dr. Seuss? I mean seriously. Although for some reason Daisyhead Maisy really disturbed me. I have no idea why. After all, it is more natural to have flowers grow out of the head than fruit, isn't it? Chrysanthemum was also high on the list, because it's fun to try and pronounce it when you're just mastering words.

I went through a time where I read a lot of nonfiction. I remember re-reading Pocahontas' biography over and over (which was why I was utterly bewildered by the Disney movie, although I still kind of like it, gross historical inaccuracies aside). I also read Jackie Robinson's biography, which started my love of baseball.

I remember a favorite of mine was The Ghost Cadet. It was beautiful, it was heartwrenching, it sparked my imagination. Then I found out critics ripped it apart because TEH SOUTH IZ ALWAYZ WRONG GUYZ.

Then...ah, then, I read The Hobbit. I laughed, I cried...it moved me Bob. I found myself being drawn more and more to fantasy and sci-fi. I loved the possibilities, unrestricted by our own reality or history.

When I was in eighth grade, I started noticing all these signs about "The Goblet of Fire". The paper did a big write-up...focusing entirely on "ZOMG who is Harry going to date?"

I promptly decided that this book wasn't going to be interesting at all, and besides, I had Worst Witch.

Then, one day, my friends Raquel and Andy more or less forced me to the library to check out The Sorcerer's Stone. I grumbled, and conceded that I'd try it.

One hour later, Mom was practically dragging me to eat dinner because I couldn't stop reading.

The funny thing about Harry Potter is that now people are trying desperately to insist it was "just a fad" and they were "good books for kids just getting into reading", as though the books have no value on their own.

I was nearly a high schooler. I was already reading at the level of a college junior. But the Harry Potter books grabbed onto my mind and would not let go. I read through them quickly, and when I gave them to my family, they finished them in record time as well. We all had to fight over The Order of the Phoenix, and I recall about three different bookmarks in that book because we didn't want to wait. This led, of course, to me sampling other "children's" fiction, and finding out that Lemony Snicket is, in fact, awesome.

As I've gotten older, I've expanded my reading into other areas. I tried several types of Christian fiction. I will not talk about the Series That Shall Not Be Named, except to say that "seriously stop focusing so much on dropping anvils that the only character anyone actually likes is the Anti-Christ". Other books worked out better, even Frank Peretti, even though he has a few anvils up his sleeves. I tried romance, and found some very good examples and some very, very bad examples. I've varied the types of mysteries I read. I discovered the Pendergast series, and lo, joy came into my life. I decided to start reading horror that wasn't Poe and NOW I CAN'T STOP READING LOVECRAFT HELP.

This post is getting a bit long, but that's because to me, books are awesome. They open up entirely new worlds, new ideas, and new experiences.

Today, I'm thankful for books.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Thankfulness Day 11

A long, long time ago, some guy was shot. Now, this wouldn't be a huge deal, unless said guy was Franz Ferdinand (the archduke, not the rock band). Since it was Ferdinand, Archduke, everyone promptly declared war on everyone else. ("Bout that time, eh chap?" "Right-o.")

World War I started. Then it ended on November 11th, 1918, at 11 AM, because the political leaders at that time apparently liked the number 11 a lot. Then the war kept going on for some people, because they didn't get the memo. But anyways.

Woodrow Wilson decided that celebrating this day would be a good idea, and they did so, with much pomp and circumstance.

Then, after World War II, Raymond Weeks said it would be cool to just celebrate all veterans.

And they did so. With much pomp and circumstance.

And that's what today is all about. Not only is it sort of a "free space" on the "thankfulness list", it's a good thing to be thankful for.

Let's not be under any illusions here. Yes, there are some wars where it is questionable as to how necessary they actually were. But really, there are crazy people out there that like to do things like oppress the crap out of people (because even real-world dictators do not read the Evil Overlord List), and some of them just like using their religion as an excuse to blow things up. And sometimes they don't even need that as an excuse. Sometimes they blow things up because reasons.

That's where our soldiers come in. They're actually out there dealing with nigh-cartoonish supervillainy that shouldn't exist in the real world but does, because again, people don't read the Evil Overlord List.

They also deal with less-cartoonish supervillainy, natural disasters, and having a lot of people be angry at them for various things such as "being American" "being a soldier" "some other guy did something bad so I'm going to take it out on you" and, of course, "you won't let me blow up what I want to blow up".

So today let's be thankful for the veterans who are sent away from home for long periods of time under often stressful and horrible conditions to keep us and other people safe.

Thank you, truly.

Now here's the coolest picture I could find to represent this holiday.

MURICA.



Sunday, November 10, 2013

Parody 5, S1, E1: Elevenses on the Firing Line

(Also known as: Erica's file was saved from the jaws of certain deletion.)

Our episode begins with the Centauri being attacked by the Narns. This pretty much goes back and forth for the rest of the series.

THE ZOCALO

Ivanova: So where is this Sinclair fellow?

Garibaldi: Lol newb. He’s in the Observation Dome. Avoiding people. Like Londo over there.

Londo: LOL HI GARIBALDI!


GAMBLING!

Garibaldi: I’m not giving you anymore money. I’m not giving any Centauri any money! When we met you guys you told us you ran the galaxy and we were your long-lost cousins.

Londo: Well…we got you mixed up with our real long-lost cousins. Oh, here comes Vir, my pathetic little aide!

Vir stutters and shudders his way into giving out the main plot of the episode.


SINCLAIR’S OFFICE, OR SOMETHING, THEY USE IT FOR A LOT OF THINGS ACTUALLY

Londo: Things are sucking! They suck really bad!

Delenn: It does suck indeed.

G’Kar: Oh my goodness. They attacked Ragesh 3. Those bastards.

Londo: STFU Narn.

Sinclair: Simmer down everyone, we’ll call out the League of Stupid. How’s that tracking device
G’Kar? You know, the one that isn’t in you from when you TRIED TO FRAME ME FOR MURDER?

G’Kar: …shut up.


C&C

Talia: Hi, I’m the new telepath!

Ivanova: K whatev. Garibaldi, have fun with that distress call that will surely not have any relevance to the rest of the series.

Talia: Well I’m supposed to log in with you.

Ivanova: Yeah okay whatever gtfo.

Talia: *sigh*


TV

ISN Lady: So a presidential candidate is Santiago. He will totally not die or anything.

Ivanova: Any word about the Centauri issue of doom?

Sinclair: Nothing. Clearly it isn’t arc relevant.

Ivanova: You say that now…


LONDO’S GRECO-ROMAN-CENTAURI HANGOUT

Ragesh 3 Transmission: Warships! Explosions! OMGWTFBBQ???!!!

Londo: Wait, let me see those ships!

Narn Ship: LOL HI.

Londo: I KEEL G’KAR.



BICKERING!

G’Kar: I have fresh spoo. FRESH. SPOO.

Londo: SCREW YOUR SPOO AND SCREW YOUR ATTACK.

G’Kar: Oh, let’s not worry our pretty little heads over it. Oh, the karma!

Londo: I’ll shove your karma up your—

A fight ensues. Londo and G’Kar bicker back and forth a great deal about who killed who.


AN ATTEMPT AT TALKING SENSE

Londo: I’ve had prophetically creepy dreams about G’Kar and me killing each other.

Sinclair: That’s adorable and all, but really now. We might be able to stop the attacks.

Londo: Good. My nephew is there.

Sinclair: That sucks. But you guys can’t go to war. We’re trying to get peace here, you know.

Londo: Peace is for sissies.

Sinclair: Well that’s encouraging.


PLOT POINTS!

Garibaldi: There were fifteen people dead by pirates. Stupid pirates.

Ivanova: That’s great but I have to go avoid Talia some more.


THE COOLEST ROOM ON BABYLON 5

Sinclair: Kosh! How’s it hanging? Kosh…? Why aren’t you in your suit…?

Kosh: Lol hi.

Sinclair: What’s that shiny light…? Anyways, do you guys have any opinion on the Narns being jerks?

Kosh: …

Sinclair: …are you even coming to the meeting?

Kosh: Yep.

Sinclair turns to go, but Kosh ninjas into his suit.

Kosh: They’re screwed.

Sinclair: Who’s screwed again? Narn? Centauri?

Kosh: Yes TROLLOLOL.

Sinclair: ...


DRUNKENNESS!

Vir: We have a council meeting!

Londo: I don’t care! Our leaders suck and decided to do nothing and EVERYONE’S GOING TO GET BLOWN UP ANYWAYS. Now, let me throw this glass at your head.

Vir: D-:

Londo: Tell no one.

Vir: But…

Londo: NO. ONE.

Vir: k.


ELEVATOR GOING DOWN

Garibaldi: Lol hi Talia.

Talia: So why won’t Ivanova talk to me?

Garibaldi: It takes her awhile to decide to date people.

Talia: …what?

Garibaldi: Sorry, wrong season. Go talk to her at the bar and then you can come by my quarters and see my second favorite thing in the universe.

Talia: …


ZEN GARDEN IS NO LONGER ZEN

G’Kar: Hi Sinclair!

Sinclair: Hi G’Kar. How’s that tracking device coming?

G’Kar: …this isn’t funny anymore. Come on, you understand revenge and all that.

Sinclair: Of course not. I’m going to become the Zenmaster. We’re above those sorts of things.

G’Kar: …okay. Whatever. You owe us for giving you weapons.

Sinclair: Nope.

G’Kar: SCREW YOU SINCLAIR.

Sinclair: SCREW YOU G’KAR.

G’Kar: I’m gonna go sulk in my quarters!

Sinclair: I’m gonna go sulk in the hallway!


SULKING IN THE HALLWAY

Garibaldi: Okay, so I have a raiders plot point about to happen.

Sinclair: Kill the Raiders dead. I have to go get yelled at by a politician.


I MEAN IS THIS HIS REAL OFFICE OR A MEETING ROOM? I CAN’T TELL

Senator: Look, Sinclair, I appreciate all this stuff about “saving the innocent” and “holy crap a lot of people just died horribly for no reason”, but we have an election that somehow hinges on whether or not we tell the Narns to stop being jerks.

Sinclair: And you wonder why everyone hates politics?

Senator: Stay neutral, because waffling is better than looking like an absolute jerk.

Ivanova: Anyways, now that he's gone, we’re ready to attack the Raiders.

Sinclair: Wait, I have an idea! I’ll go with them, Garibaldi stays here and eats popcorn or
whatever, and you take my place and pretend to be me.

Ivanova: Anything else?

Sinclair: Also you totally didn’t hear anything about this abstaining stuff, right?

Ivanova: Deception is in vogue in this episode, isn’t it?


LEAGUE OF NAIVETE

G’Kar: We didn’t fire at them first. So there. Watch this!

Video of Carn, reading in a voice of a high school drama member: HELLO EVERYONE. I AM CARN. OUR COLONY NEEDED HELP, BUT HOMEWORLD DID NOT HELP US. THE NARNS HELPED US. THERE IS NO GUN TO MY HEAD AT ALL. SMILE AT CAMERA.

Narn off-screen: Don’t read the stage directions!

Londo: That was an oddly specific denial.

Everyone: Clearly this was totally legit and not at all staged in any way whatsoever.

Ivanova: *facepalm*


AGE OF EMPIRES…IN SPACE

Raiders: Raiding party!

Sinclair: Let’s pretend to go another direction so they think they tricked us but we’re really tricking them!

Delta 7: …wait, what?


CONVENIENT TELEPATHY IS CONVENIENT

Talia: Whoops sorry Ambassado—AAAAHHH THE HATRED BURNS.


AT LEAST THEY PUT G’KAR IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT HALLWAY

Garibaldi: Nope.

Londo: Yes.

Garibaldi: NOOOO.

Londo: YESSS.

Garibaldi: You know this is just going to cause a galactic war, and God knows we’ll have enough of that in a couple seasons.

Londo: …well, guess I’ll strangle him twenty years from now.

Garibaldi: …what. Look, I’ll be by to check your quarters for weapons. Glad I didn’t have to kill you, hate submitting “killing ambassador for station security” forms.


SINCLAIR’S MEETING ROOM OFFICE

Sinclair: Ohai G’Kar. I found a Narn on the Raider ship. Odd that the Raiders got all those nice heavy weapons.

Garibaldi: Also we found data crystals with reports between Ragesh 3 and the Narns. Stuff that sounds oddly different from what you said.

G’Kar: I…but…adda wibba…

Sinclair: Kthxbai have fun with that tracking device.


ALCOHOL LEADS TO BACKSTORY

Talia: Hi Ivanova.

Ivanova: Let me explain my issue with you. See, the Psi-Corps gave my mom so many sleepers she “committed suicide”, and trust me, that’s questionable at this point, because the Psi-Corps might as well be Big Brother. So I’m not so much mad at you as I’m mad at the Corps. I feel sorry for you.

Talia: But they’re like my Space Dad and Space Stepmom!

Ivanova: …Space Stepmom?


GARIBALDI’S SECOND FAVORITE THING IN THE UNIVERSE


Delenn: So what is …is this “popcorn”? And what is this…cartoon you speak of?

Garibaldi: It’s funny, see, Daffy gets hit by stuff! Here have more popcorn!

Delenn: …what.

WB: THANKS GARIBALDI!


ARC RELEVANT NEWS

ISN: Well, everyone, we're concerned about alien influences on Earth. This will have no bearing whatsoever on future story arcs.

Spoiler alert: They are lying.

Thankfulness Day 10

Well, let's get this one over with. Bacon.

Of course I'm thankful for bacon. It's sort of a given.

Certain persons seem to think the Internet's obsession with bacon is overblown, but I feel that it is just giving words to what many of us feel. Sure, overconsumption of bacon can be bad for you, but so can overconsumption of anything. 

Just think about taking a bite of perfectly cooked bacon-not too floppy, not too crunchy (see also: Grandfathers, burning bacon), just perfect. 

Adding bacon to a dish suddenly makes that dish 20% tastier. 

Put bacon grease on top of a roast and let it melt and cook over that roast. BEST ROAST EVER.

Turkey bacon just doesn't do it. Sure, it works for those poor people that don't eat pork, but it just doesn't have the same kick.

Never forget your gratitude for bacon.




Saturday, November 9, 2013

Thankfulness Day 9


I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. -Flash Rosenberg

Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. -Star Trek: Voyager

Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all. -David Lynch

Oh, I can't stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing and walking and the words-putting-into-sentence-doing. -Lorelai, Gilmore Girls

As soon as coffee is in your stomach, there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move...similes arise, the paper is covered. Coffee is your ally and writing ceases to be a struggle. -Honore de Balzac

I like coffee exceedingly.... -H.P. Lovecraft

You know, this is-excuse me-a damn fine cup of coffee. -Dale Cooper, Twin Peaks

_____________________________________________________

Where would I be without coffee? Probably asleep again, right now. Before coffee, people had to wake up without a burst of joy-filled caffeination. Sure, they had tea, but that's tea. It doesn't have that same kick.

Writers especially have a love affair with coffee. As de Balzac (TEEHEE*) said, it helps stimulate your mind and gives you ideas. Wonderful, wonderful ideas.

I used to despise coffee. I loved the smell, but I just couldn't stand the taste. Then I started working at the library, and with a cafe right next door, and I was converted. It helped to have coffee for the "two o'clock slump". It also makes me look busier. If you sit there during a slow time, and do nothing, you look like you're doing nothing. If you keep grabbing at your coffee, it looks like you're super-busy and you need to have that coffee to keep going!

Even if you're still doing nothing.

Coffee: The favorite drink of the civilized world. -Thomas Jefferson

I call him "Dalek Caf".**

*You were all thinking it.

**Dalek coffee maker does not actually exist, unfortunately. But the picture is from If Industries blog.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Thankfulness Day 8

You can't choose your family. Unless they're just so outrageously horrifyingly dysfunctional that they make Jerry Springer's guests look sane, you're pretty much stuck with them. (If they are that horrifyingly dysfunctional, the best option is to run far, far away.) However, most families are only mostly strange.

I'm grateful for my mostly strange family.

I'm grateful for my dad, who can somehow imitate Steve Urkel and is rapidly becoming a Crazy Cat Man.

I'm grateful for my mom, who texts me five hundred times a day to make sure I'm still alive, and excels at giving impromptu rants. (She's like a meaner Dr. Laura.)

I'm grateful for my brother, who passed on his odd sense of humor to me, and who does such things as make trailers for his lesson plans.

I'm grateful for my granddad, who is also very good at impromptu rants, usually at the dinner table, and usually ending with inaccurate ethnic slurs for the sole purpose of trolling. (He's like a meaner Jim Fisher.)

I'm grateful for my family up here.

I'm grateful for Ray's studied determination to find a pun in everything.

I'm grateful for Barb's ever-present advice, and really awesome lunch bag drawings.

I'm grateful for John's impromptu song-writing abilities. (Especially when done in Whitey's, to the entertainment of all.)

I'm grateful for Kelli's chirpiness, and our various and sundry movie nights.

I'm also grateful for George the Cat, though I can't remember why, since all she does is yowl when you try to pet her, then yowl when you stop petting her.

Never mind. That's why.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Thankfulness Day 7

GUYS IT'S STILL FALL.

This morning I woke up to a cold, but bright, fall-leaf-colored morning. Fall has always been my favorite time of year. The leaves turn everything multi-colored, it's not so hot that you nearly fall over when you step outside, and, of course, there are those pumpkin spice lattes everyone goes on and on about.

I remember raking up huge leaf piles, just to jump in them and scatter them everywhere again. (What do you mean, "put them in bags"? Son, this was the country, we just raked them over the bank toward the creek.)

I also remember the beginning of deer season. I would sit on the couch in the living room and watch across the road for the tell-tale blaze orange walking up that ridge. Twas the season for dead animals hanging in people's yards-the bigger the antlers, the more prominently displayed. Gotta brag, you know.

Because school always started right around fall, I've always associated fall with a time to hunker down and get focused. Something about the air clearing up from the summer haze always helps with that.

The Fall Festival was always fun too. We don't have a big festival here in the QC. Sure, the school down the road has one, but it's not the same as the whole town coming together and wandering around until the Confederate soldiers arrive. (Okay maybe that was me.)

Football starts in the fall. There are pretty much only two seasons of the year-football and baseball. Also basketball keeps sticking its head in and annoying everyone, and the hockey fans are fighting off to the side, and then some hipster is all like "Football? You mean futbol." but no one actually listens. Football is basically a bunch of grown men fighting over a toy, but darn if it isn't thrilling.

Also, fall does in fact include Halloween, and I love Halloween, if you couldn't tell by my troll-y Oct. 31st post.

So, let's give it up for Fall! And pumpkin spice lattes, because those things seriously are awesome.

I get to see this every day.