Sunday, January 19, 2014

Parody 5, S1, E7: The Racism Episode

In Delenn’s quarters, Delenn chats with an old friend about poetry and life and Space Elf things.

Delenn: Life was so simple.

Mayan: Yep. But it’s awesome now. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to walk back to my quarters. Alone. In the dark.

Delenn: Great idea!


Walking to the Quarters Alone in the Dark

KKK Home Guard guy: Lol freak.

*knifestabheadbrand*


ARGUMENTS!

Sinclair: Don’t worry Delenn, we’ll find the idiot who did this!

Delenn: Well that won’t help!

Sinclair: Well we’re looking for him!

Delenn: Well look for him more!

Sinclair: I don’t even know!

Delenn: Neither do I!


PLOTPOINT NUMBER 2

Ivanova: So we have detainees that aren’t dangerous. They need to be given to someone of command rank.

Garibaldi: I don’t have time.

Ivanova: Neither do I.

Garibaldi: Well I’ll just go destroy that illegal coffee plant.

Ivanova: BRB DEALING WITH DETAINEES.


WELL THIS IS AWKWARD

Kiron: Wait I thought Vir was the ambassador.

Londo: What.

Vir: Err hi Londo this is my cousin and his girlfriend. They got arrested!

Sinclair: They stole money.

Londo: …

Vir: Ohhh…

Sinclair: They’re all yours have fun.


ANVILS EVERYWHERE

Roberts: Aliens are out to get me! All of them!

Garibaldi: Can’t blame them.

Roberts: This isn’t fair! I should be able to beat up any aliens I want to!

Garibaldi: *facepalm*


TROLLING!

Sinclair: Ohai Kosh! You know, you could totally take care of this problem in like a second. Just tell everyone you don’t care who started it, you’ll finish it!

Kosh: Lol no.

Sinclair: So what are you doing?

Kosh: Studying everyone’s problems.

Sinclair: …


IT’S ARC RELEVANT

Sinclair: So Kosh was poisoned via the hand. How’d he get poisoned if he wears that suit?

Ivanova: No idea. Vorlons don’t tell anything. He probably just does it so no one sees what he looks like.

Sinclair: Yeah, only Lyta and Dr. Kyle saw that. And of course they both…got…recalled?

Ivanova: I'M GETTING REALLY TIRED OF CONSPIRACIES SIR.


LONDO’S PERSONAL ISSUES

Londo: So their families are going nuts. We need to send them home.

Vir: But they’re in love.

Londo: Oh come on, look at the women I married! Three of them, no less. Tell your cousin and his girlfriend they’re leaving tonight.

Vir: *sigh*


SUSAN DATED SOMEONE, ONCE

Malcolm: Oh Susan, we’re enjoying ourselves so much. Did you miss me?

Ivanova: kindasortamaybe. But I am not leaving Babylon 5. Good God, the place would probably fall apart.

Malcolm: That’s fine. I’m opening a not-at-all racist business here!


WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT OF THIS?

Kiron: I promise not to marry the horribly ugly chick.

Aria: And I promise not to marry an incredibly old guy.

KKKHomeguard Guy: And I promise to punch you both.


At this point, Vir stumbles in and looks horrified and there are riots in Brown sector and G’Kar is trying to start a revolution, he always does that, it’s just his thing, and some Drazi decide that the best way to deal with racism is to be racist and it’s all just horribly, horribly anvilicious.


MAYA IS A TROLL-POET

Aria: I want to talk to him.

Mayan: It will help. The Power of Love will help him recover. After all, sentient beings have a need for love. Even if they live without it TROLLOLOL.

Londo: …


WELL THAT RELATIONSHIP WENT REALLY WELL

Sinclair: So basically, we have this interesting recording regarding your boyfriend…person…thing.

Malcolm Recording: Oh Roberts, how terrible what the horrible aliens are doing. Join AlienAway.

Sinclair: Can you introduce me to him? Say I’m unhappy with the aliens on Earth. Then I’ll go undercover. I’m totally good at that.

Ivanova: Can I shoot him out an airlock after?

Sinclair: No. No you cannot.

Ivanova: >:-(


LONDO TRIES TO SAY SOMETHING WISE

Vir: You know what Londo? Love is more important than money. There, I said it.

Londo: When my father was old, he complained his shoes were too tight. But it didn’t matter because he couldn’t dance. And now my shoes are too tight.

Vir: …is this a metaphor?

Londo: Yes, Vir. This is a metaphor.

Vir: …about what?

Londo: *sigh*


ACTUALLY SINCLAIR IS A TERRIBLE ACTOR

Delenn: This is a person from Abba 4.

Kalika: So how’s it going with this security and all?

Sinclair: It’s fine, EVERYTHING IS. TOTALLY. FINE.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go talk to a HUMAN.

Kalika: …is he trying out for a school play?

Delenn: I…think?


…AND HE’S A BIT OF A HAM TOO

Sinclair: On the line we always said the only good alien is a dead alien. I’m not saying I hate aliens, but I hate aliens.

Malcolm: I know. You know, on Earth we have AlienAway. We have to show everyone Humans Are Special. I can introduce you to some friends. But first, you must show the aliens who’s boss.


THE LEAGUE DOESN’T SEE A PROBLEM THOUGH

Sinclair: There are no problems! At all! The attackers went to Earth! Or the moon! Or something!

G’Kar: I don’t believe you! Clearly you’re plotting against us all!


LONDO HAS A PLAN!

Vir: You can travel in a few days.

Londo: And when you get there to Centauri Prime, you can be my cousin’s foster kids until you’re older and can choose for yourself! That way you can learn how to be the best Centauri ever!

Kiron: …is being the best Centauri a good thing?

Londo: Probably not BUT DO IT ANYWAYS.


SILLIEST TERRORIST MEETING EVER

Malcolm: Well, here we are. Cozy, eh?

Sinclair: So what’s with the Death Eater hoodies?

Malcolm: Because we’re awesome. In two days’ time, we’ll assassinate the four alien ambassadors here. Including Kosh. That damn Kosh.


SOME TIME IN THE FUTURE

Sinclair: And this is where a racist was force-punched by a Vorlon!

Tourist: Wow!


BUT REALLY SINCLAIR IS A BAD ACTOR

Malcolm: Just get us in the ambassador’s pad and then off the station so no one knows. And now, if you’re so evil, kill this cute Abba 4 alien!

Kalika: D-:

Sinclair: KILLING ABBA 4 ALIENS IS JUST PLAIN WRONG! AND NO ONE SHOULD DO IT EVER!

Suddenly, the security team heads down, and Sinclair and Ivanova start shooting at the racists. A LOT.


ANVILS FOR DAYS!

Sinclair: You ready to go, YOU HORRIBLE KITTEN-EATING RACIST?

Malcolm: I love you Susan why did you do this just for aliens?

Ivanova: BECAUSE I HAVE AN ANVIL!

Malcolm: :(

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