Saturday, January 25, 2014

Parody 5: S1, E8: My God, It's Full of Plotpoints


A couple of guys in epic cloaks arrive. They are clearly sketchy.


Knight 2: Found our target.

Knight 1: Sinclair, eh?

Knight 2: Let’s start building our Plot Device.


SINCLAIR IS DISAPOINT

Sinclair: So Benson, you know if you get into debt with bad people, terrible things could happen and even cause plot problems. You could totally let us know that. You know.

Benson: Gambling? What gambling? I don’t gamble. Why would I gamble? That would be silly lol. And if I were in trouble, I certainly would not make a deal with strange people wearing cloaks.


BUT WE WON’T TELL THE AUDIENCE THE PLOT

Knight 2: The energy pod will be here.

Knight 1: Wait, the what?

Knight 2: You know. The thing. That does the thing.

Knight 1: Oh, and it will help with the thing. I see.


FRANKLIN’S BACKSTORY

Delenn: So you hitchhiked?

Franklin: With my towel, yes. I lost my towel in the war. They wanted me to use my notes about Minbari for biological warfare. I destroyed my files. So what did you do during the war?

Delenn: LOOK OVER THERE!  A BIG DISTRACTING PLOTPOINT!


LSD IS BAD KIDS

Sinclair wakes up from his PTSD dreams, walks down hallways, and discovers there is literally no one else on the station.

Sinclair: Don’t tell me I’m in a frikking horror movie! Where is everyone?

Computer: There’s someone else here. In Blue Sector.

Sinclair: Who?

Knight 1: Welcome to the Matrix, Mr. Sinclair.

Sinclair: What.

Garibaldi: Hi Sinclair.

Garibaldi: Ohai Sinclair.

Garibaldi: What’s up Sinclair?

Leo: WATCH ME STRUT SINCLAIR!


C&C

Ivanova: Maybe Sinclair got Shanghai’d by pirates!

Garibaldi: Maybe you should…um…check outside.

Ivanova: I’m Russian and even that’s too depressing for me.


PLOTCEPTION

Flashback

Mitchell: Hey Sinclair! Watch this!
*gets blown up*

Sinclair: Mitchell, no! I’m the only one left against the giant Minbari ship! Only one thing left to do. Computer, full speed ahead. YOLO!!!!

Knight 1: So this is where you “blacked out”? Or maybe WHERE YOU MADE A SECRET DEAL WITH THE MINBARI AGAINST ALL HUMANS!

Sinclair: Not this again!

Sinclair punches the knight who feels it in his SOUL.

Meanwhile, Benson is panicking because he accidentallied his commanding officer and gets shot trying to figure out the plot and Garibaldi is already way ahead of him.


ALAS, POOR BENSON. WE HARDLY CARED ABOUT YE.

Garibaldi: Poor Benson. The bad guy couldn’t have gotten far though. Quick, fetch my fedora!


EVEN MORE BACK STORY!

Knight 1: I want to know why the Minbari surrendered! They knew invading Earth could be a problem so they decided to start subverting Earth policy!

Sinclair: Well there was that crazy Wind Sword Minbari…

Knight 1: We could find out what happened together. It’ll be fun. I’ll hold your hand.

Sinclair: Don’t make it weirder.


MOAR FLASHBACKS! MOAR!

Sinclair YOLO’s the Minbari ship again, gets brought on board, is symbolically crucified in front of the Grey Council, and then Delenn appears in a gigantic hood and holds up the glowy triangle thing.

Sinclair: What.

They let him down from the crucifixion metaphor and instead gets magick’d by the Grey Council’s wizard staff. This is more than enough to cause him to escape from his mind screw machine and punch the knights.

Sinclair: Minbari stole my money have to get back to my ship…

Also everyone is now a Grey Council member.

Delenn: Ohai Sinclair. We’re BFF’s.

Sinclair: I remember seeing you…at that one party…I don’t remember much…BUT THERE’S SOME WEIRD GUY IN A CLOAK I WILL SHOOT HIM!

Sinclair then faints, because hallucinating that much really takes it out of you.


PLOTPOINTS FOR MONTHS

Delenn: Do you, ah remember anything about what went on?

Sinclair: Ummm…nope. Nothing. Not even you in an epic hood or anything. Kthxbai. *flees*

Blind Grey Council Guy Who Appears Out Of Freaking Nowhere: If he finds out, we have to kill him.


Delenn: ...why are all the side characters jerks?

Blindy: IT'S FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!

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