Monday, February 17, 2014

Parody 5: S1, E10: Anvilievers

In MedLab, an adorable child is being examined. Since this is Straczynski we’re talking about, the child’s chances are slim, to say the least.

Kid: Am I going to die?

Franklin: Nah. I’m never wrong! We’ll just open you up and put you to rights!

Dad: BUT HE HAS A SOUL.

Franklin: …wait, what?


C&C

Ivanova: Azimov can’t find their way here and they’re stuck in Raider space.

Sinclair: You can send Garibaldi!

Ivanova: And I’ll hover over the console for a while. And I’ll make a quilt. And socks. Lots of socks.

Sinclair: I’m not sure, I could be wrong, but I’m getting the impression you might kind of want to go find the Azimov?

Ivanova: Oh, you know. Possibly. Maybe. If you really really want me to. I was rather attached to the socks idea.


THE GLOPPIT, BY J. M. STRACZYNSKI

Franklin: Well, adorable child, I have this gloppit egg, and you have to hold it nice and sing Michael Bolton songs to it.

Kid: …sounds totally legit.


THE BET OF SORROW

Nurse Lady: And now you’re giving him fake eggs?

Franklin: Hey, it helps. I will fix this! NO MATTER WHAT! I bet you a steak dinner!

Audience: *facepalm*


SO REMEMBER THAT PILOT EPISODE?

Franklin: I need a steak. For a bet.

Sinclair: And the Shakespeare Company wants fingle eggs? What the hell are fingle eggs? Anyways, how goes the Adorable Child Case?

Franklin: They won’t let me operate. Didn’t you order Dr. Kyle to operate on Kosh?

Sinclair: I can’t keep ordering unauthorized operations.

Franklin: I DON’T LIKE THIS CONVERSATION ANYMORE.


G’KAR IS A JERK

Mom: Look, if you can talk to Franklin, he won’t do the surgery.

G’Kar: …nah. It’s not like you can help Narn at all.

Mom: You’re a jerk!

G’Kar: IT’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT DAMMIT.


LONDO IS ALSO A JERK

Londo: Quite confusing, yes. I’d have to talk to the Council, and I’d have to talk to Centauri Prime first. It would cost a lot, and all that damn paperwork.

Dad: In other words…no.

Londo: Well…yeah. Now out with you. I must find my pink robe!


AND KOSH IS JUST KOSH

Dad: You could totally convince Sinclair.

Mom: Look, how would you feel if someone did surgery on you and you didn’t authorize it?

Kosh: There's really not much you can do at that point lol.

Mom: …


AND NOW, THE ANVIL OF RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE

Delenn: Well, yes, the situation sucks badly. But we can’t intervene in the spiritual matters.

Mom: Wait, you’re doing this because of your beliefs?

Delenn: Aren’t…aren’t you doing this because of your beliefs?

Mom: …


IVANOVA FLIES A SHIP

Guy: Raider ship on the way.

Ivanova: Just keep on tiptoeing.

Guy: Ships don’t have toes.

Ivanova: Shut up!


INCREDIBLE EDIBLE EGGS

Sinclair: Hi Adorable Child. What’s that?

Kid: It’s a glowing piece of goo. He thinks it’s real and makes me sing Michael Bolton songs to it. Don’t you evaluate your medical personnel for psychological problems?

Sinclair: Uhhh…tell me, Adorable Child, do you want to live?

Kid: Oh God yes. But I’d like to keep my soul too.

Sinclair: I had an operation and I still have a soul.

Kid: That’s because you weren’t born of the Egg.

Sinclair: …that sounds important?


SINCLAIR MAKES A WISE DECISION

Franklin: But the kid is gonna die!

Sinclair: But he thinks he’s going to lose his soul. And it’s going to freak them all out. Can’t do it.

Franklin: I…but…what?

Sinclair: It’s going to freak EVERYONE out.

Nurse Lady: Hey, Shon the Adorable Child is getting worse.


AND DR. FRANKLIN MAKES A TERRIBLE DECISION

Franklin: Nurse Lady, you could totally go take a walk and leave us here in MedLab all alone with these sharp instruments.

Nurse Lady: Sounds legit.


IMMA FIAH MAH LAZAH PEW PEW

Ivanova: Well looks like tiptoeing didn’t work! Jam the raider ship, I’ll go deal with him!

Guy: But orders were to—

Ivanova: I GET TO SHOOT THINGS YAY!


AND THEN SHON BECAME THE ANTICHRIST

Kid: HI MOM AND DAD!

Mom and Dad: GAAA DEMON CHILD DEMON CHILD!

Kid: D-:

Franklin: D-:

Mom: All right, we know you did what you thought would help. But we can’t forgive you. It’s time for his Great Journey.

Franklin: Umm…okay? Well, that didn’t end so badly.


FRANKLIN DISCOVERS GOOGLE

Nurse Lady: You get the steak dinner, I guess. Here’s the research on these people.

Franklin: Oh look, a lamuda for the Great Journey, which sounds a lot like death…SONOFA—

Franklin races to the parents’ quarters only to discover the Great Journey has commenced, and lo, tragedy occurs.


IVANOVA BROKE THINGS BUT IT’S OKAY

Garibaldi: So how was it?

Ivanova: Oh, quiet.

Garibaldi: And your ship was damaged by accidentally ramming a raider.

Ivanova: Oh look, a happy child with his parents!

Garibaldi: Did someone say irony?


NO, SERIOUSLY, “GLOPPIT EGG”?

Franklin: Poor Gloppit Egg…poor little Gloppit Egg…This is the tale…of Captain Jack Sparrow…


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