In MedLab, an adorable child is being examined. Since this is Straczynski we’re talking about, the child’s chances are slim, to say the least.
Kid: Am I going to die?
Franklin: Nah. I’m never wrong! We’ll just open you up and put you to rights!
Dad: BUT HE HAS A SOUL.
Franklin: …wait, what?
Ivanova: Azimov can’t find their way here and they’re stuck in Raider space.
Sinclair: You can send Garibaldi!
Ivanova: And I’ll hover over the console for a while. And I’ll make a quilt. And socks. Lots of socks.
Sinclair: I’m not sure, I could be wrong, but I’m getting the impression you might kind of want to go find the Azimov?
Ivanova: Oh, you know. Possibly. Maybe. If you really really want me to. I was rather attached to the socks idea.
THE GLOPPIT, BY J. M. STRACZYNSKI
Franklin: Well, adorable child, I have this gloppit egg, and you have to hold it nice and sing Michael Bolton songs to it.
Kid: …sounds totally legit.
THE BET OF SORROW
Nurse Lady: And now you’re giving him fake eggs?
SO REMEMBER THAT PILOT EPISODE?
Sinclair: And the Shakespeare Company wants fingle eggs? What the hell are fingle eggs? Anyways, how goes the Adorable Child Case?
Franklin: They won’t let me operate. Didn’t you order Dr. Kyle to operate on Kosh?
Sinclair: I can’t keep ordering unauthorized operations.
Franklin: I DON’T LIKE THIS CONVERSATION ANYMORE.
G’KAR IS A JERK
Mom: Look, if you can talk to
Franklin, he won’t do the surgery.
G’Kar: …nah. It’s not like you can help Narn at all.
Mom: You’re a jerk!
G’Kar: IT’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT DAMMIT.
LONDO IS ALSO A JERK
Londo: Quite confusing, yes. I’d have to talk to the Council, and I’d have to talk to Centauri Prime first. It would cost a lot, and all that damn paperwork.
Dad: In other words…no.
Londo: Well…yeah. Now out with you. I must find my pink robe!
AND KOSH IS JUST KOSH
Dad: You could totally convince Sinclair.
Mom: Look, how would you feel if someone did surgery on you and you didn’t authorize it?
Kosh: There's really not much you can do at that point lol.
AND NOW, THE ANVIL OF RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE
Delenn: Well, yes, the situation sucks badly. But we can’t intervene in the spiritual matters.
Mom: Wait, you’re doing this because of your beliefs?
Delenn: Aren’t…aren’t you doing this because of your beliefs?
IVANOVA FLIES A SHIP
Guy: Raider ship on the way.
Ivanova: Just keep on tiptoeing.
Guy: Ships don’t have toes.
Ivanova: Shut up!
INCREDIBLE EDIBLE EGGS
Sinclair: Hi Adorable Child. What’s that?
Kid: It’s a glowing piece of goo. He thinks it’s real and makes me sing Michael Bolton songs to it. Don’t you evaluate your medical personnel for psychological problems?
Sinclair: Uhhh…tell me, Adorable Child, do you want to live?
Kid: Oh God yes. But I’d like to keep my soul too.
Sinclair: I had an operation and I still have a soul.
Kid: That’s because you weren’t born of the Egg.
Sinclair: …that sounds important?
SINCLAIR MAKES A WISE DECISION
Franklin: But the kid is gonna die!
Sinclair: But he thinks he’s going to lose his soul. And it’s going to freak them all out. Can’t do it.
Sinclair: It’s going to freak EVERYONE out.
Nurse Lady: Hey, Shon the Adorable Child is getting worse.
AND DR. FRANKLIN MAKES A TERRIBLE DECISION
Franklin: Nurse Lady, you could totally go take a walk and leave us here in MedLab all alone with these sharp instruments.
Nurse Lady: Sounds legit.
IMMA FIAH MAH LAZAH PEW PEW
Ivanova: Well looks like tiptoeing didn’t work! Jam the raider ship, I’ll go deal with him!
Guy: But orders were to—
Ivanova: I GET TO SHOOT THINGS YAY!
AND THEN SHON BECAME THE ANTICHRIST
Kid: HI MOM AND DAD!
Mom and Dad: GAAA DEMON CHILD DEMON CHILD!
Mom: All right, we know you did what you thought would help. But we can’t forgive you. It’s time for his Great Journey.
FRANKLIN DISCOVERS GOOGLE
Nurse Lady: You get the steak dinner, I guess. Here’s the research on these people.
Franklin: Oh look, a lamuda for the Great Journey, which sounds a lot like death…SONOFA—
Franklin races to the parents’ quarters only to discover the Great Journey has commenced, and lo, tragedy occurs.
IVANOVA BROKE THINGS BUT IT’S OKAY
Garibaldi: So how was it?
Ivanova: Oh, quiet.
Garibaldi: And your ship was damaged by accidentally ramming a raider.
Ivanova: Oh look, a happy child with his parents!
Garibaldi: Did someone say irony?
NO, SERIOUSLY, “GLOPPIT EGG”?