Saturday, March 8, 2014

Parody 5: S1, E11: Survivors of Daddy Issues

Meanwhile, on Babylon 5…

ISN: The President is going to Babylon 5!
Garibaldi: I guess this means we should make sure we’re secure and nothing explodes.

Cobra Bay promptly explodes.


THAT MOVING MEETING ROOM AGAIN

Lianna: Hi Commander. I’m Lianna, here to secure Babylon 5 for the president and glare at Garibaldi over my Daddy Issues.

Sinclair: Seriously?


EVERYTHING AT ONCE

G’Kar: Why are the Narns sitting next to the Vree? That’s awkward. No one likes the Vree and their stupid flying saucers.

Sinclair: No one cares, G’Kar!

Dagool: *tries to steal credit chip*

Garibaldi: NOT AGAIN DAGOOL!

G’Kar: I DON’T LIKE THIS SEATING ARRANGEMENT!

Garibaldi: I punch you Dagool!

Sinclair: Knock it off, all three of you are…well, pretty isn’t the word.


BACKSTORY BAR

Sinclair: Okay, what’s going on?

Garibaldi: See, I worked security on Europa and I was the only not corrupt person there. Lianna’s Dad kept inviting me over so I would be sober. But then the Corrupt Cops blew him up. And I got blamed. And now Lianna, despite being aware I wasn’t involved, is still angry with me.

Sinclair: I swear, this station just draws in everyone with neuroses.


CAPTAIN WHAT HAPPENED

Nolan: Garibaldi set up us the bomb!

Lianna: I KNEW IT.

Franklin: I TOLD YOU NOT TO WAKE HIM UP. NOW HE’S DEAD.


QUESTIONING

Garibaldi: Oh for Daffy's sake, I can’t even go to my room? Look, I didn’t let your dad die.

Lianna: I HAVE DADDY ISSUES.

Cutter the Jerk Security Guy: There were bomb workings and schematics of the Cobra Bay and Centauri money in his room.

Lianna: Arrest him!

Garibaldi kicks him instead.


C&C

Ivanova: Garibaldi’s a fugitive?

Sinclair: What. Lianna, deal with your Daddy Issues.

Lianna: But I have presidential authority.

Sinclair: Ivanova, please, make her go away.

Ivanova: Lungs. Ripping. That’s right, you run away. You know, we need to make sure the communication channels are working. Let’s check them ALL AT ONCE. FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE DAY.


CASINO

Garibaldi: LONDO! Why was there Centauri money in my quarters?

Londo: Err…Narns! Narns took money from Ragesh 3!


IT’S STILL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!

G’Kar: Ah, Garibaldi, the monitors seem to not have noticed you here and the guards are dreadfully busy elsewhere.

Garibaldi: Wait, how’d you know I was coming here?

G’Kar: Oh, I spy on Londo all the time. We spy on each other. In a completely heterosexual way. In fact, you can come to Narn and be a spy for your own government for us!

Garibaldi: WHY ARE YOU SUCH A JERK?


BATMANTIS

Garibaldi: Hi N’Grath. I need access to restricted sectors. I can pay.

N’Grath: Get out.

Garibladi: But I’m a fugitive right now.

N’Grath: GET OUT! AFJDLSAIWREFJDSLAJFSDLJ

N’Grath’s Guys: This goes on. For like an hour.

Guards: Aha!

A quick chase leads Garibaldi through a maintenance door and into some sketchy boiler room.

Dagool: OHAI.

Garibaldi: WHY UNIVERSE HATE GARIBALDI?

Garibaldi and Dagool kick each other, and then Dagool discovers the joy of swinging a chain around in circles. And then a couple of his buddies arrive.

Garibaldi: I’ll take you all on!

It doesn’t work. They beat on him, but then…

Sinclair: I WILL END YOU.

Seeing the Chosen One, they flee.

Garibaldi goes to the next room, where more guards are creeping about. He hides, and they don’t even notice because they’re too busy staring at the ceiling.

Guard: Ceiling Cat…?


FALL OFF ALL THE WAGONS

Garibaldi arrives at a bar, where he sits next to the Scarecrow. After giving him money to wear his hat briefly, the Scarecrow decides to go gamble his one dollar. Garibaldi proceeds to get drunk, and the Scarecrow gives away his location, in exchange for protection from the Batman.


GARIBALDI UNCOVERS THE PLOT WHILE DRUNK

Garibaldi: Look, let’s just stop it with the Daddy Issues!

Welch: I found a detonator and Home Guard stuff in Nolan’s quarters. Stuff that Garibaldi helped deal with before.

Garibaldi: That’s it! He didn’t know he set off the bomb earlier than he meant to and he got blown up.

Commlink: Everything fine? Prez can come on board?

Lianna: Go for it. Keep an eye on the bays, since they tend to BLOW UP.

Garibaldi: Cutter the Jerk Security Guy planted the evidence. Maybe you should double check those bays?

C&C

Ivanova: This speech is boring. Light up the middle of the station! It looks pretty. NO DON’T LOWER THE DISCO BALL.


CUTTER IS MORE OF A JERK THAN G’KAR, AND IT ISN’T EVEN CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Lianna: Let’s scan the bays now. Keep an eye on him.

Jerk Security Guy: *tases Lianna*

Garibaldi: I KICK YOUR GUN!

They get into an epic fight while Ivanova starts the countdown to launching the fighters of awesome.

Garibaldi: IT’S A TRAP!

Ivanova: Thanks Security Chief Akbar!

Computer: Just one second to go! If that isn't some sort of special plot device, I don't know what is.


THIS VERY SPECIAL PLOTPOINT BROUGHT TO YOU BY ISN

ISN: Santiago is being nice to aliens, which makes people mad. Totally not plot-relevant, I’m sure.

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