Sinclair: So the greatest leader of the Warrior Minbari ever has died.
Garibaldi: And now they’re taking the corpse on a tour? Is that like a threat or something?
Minbari War Cruiser: OHAI.
Sinclair: Oh God, the flashbacks…
Meanwhile, a girl attempts to shoplift. It fails and then karma catches up to her.
Girl: MY BRAIN HURTS!!! *faints*
Talia: Looked like she just got mindraped by EVERYONE.
SPEAKING OF FLASHBACKS
Corwin: Their gunports are open! OHNOES!
Sinclair: What gives, Greater Jerks?
Minbari Guy: TROLLOLOL!
Delenn bursts in, skids across the floor, and nearly falls over in a fit of panic.
Delenn: IT’S OKAY THEIR GUNS AREN’T ACTIVATED DON’T SHOOT ANYONE too close way too close IT’S CUSTOM NO NEED TO START ANY WARS. I’ll see you in docking.
I THINK THERE’S A METAPHOR HERE BUT I’M NOT SURE
Talia: She got mind-bursted. Her telepathy just got activated. We’ll send her on to Psi-Corps.
Ivanova: She was thieving! She has to stay here.
Franklin: But since she’s here GTFO.
THEY HAVE GREAT INNER BEAUTY
Neroon: So, everyone has to Stay The Eff Away from the body until the viewing. No humans. Like AT ALL.
Sinclair: That’s fine, but you’re kind of on my station.
Neroon: We were in charge on the Line so there!
Delenn: Girls, girls, you’re both pretty.
The Viewing happens, with Neroon wearing a Sith robe.
Neroon: Alas, poor Branmer. I knew him.
Coffin: NO BODY TROLLOLOL!
NEROON SHOUTS THINGS
Neroon: You lost his body! I’ll declare war. I’ll do it.
Delenn: We’d have to discuss it for six months, Neroon, we have a bureaucracy remember?
Neroon: I’M OUT BITCHES.
Ivanova: Hi guys, this kid just became telepathic but I think she shouldn’t be forced into Psi-Corps.
Sinclair: SHIP HER OFF TO THE VORLON HOMEWORLD. I HAVE TO PREVENT A WAR.
Ivanova: …do you need chocolate?
EVEN MORE FORESHADOWING!
Delenn: You know he used to be a religious caste, but then he had to become a war leader.
Sinclair: How’d he feel about the surrender?
Delenn: He was okay. Some of them hated it. Sinavel committed suicide. He was on a plotship that may or may not show up in Season 2.
ALISA IS A TROLLAPATH
Alisa: Psi-Corps will give me clothes!
Ivanova: And if you decide not to join they inject you with mind-raping drugs.
Alisa: But what else can I do then?
Ivanova: I’ll find some other options. Also, give me back my link you little bitch.
THE NARNS HAVE A LOT OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
Na’Toth: You get a house and clothes and jewelry and money and it’ll be awesome.
Ivanova: What is she supposed to do?
Na’Toth: We take genetic samples so we can make telepaths. The mother of the Narn telepaths!
Franklin: And you’d be the only human on Narn.
Alisa: NARN MINDS ARE SCARY!
Franklin: It is Na’Toth.
NEROON THREATENS TO SHOOT EVEN MORE THINGS
Sinclair: We’re searching the entire station for God’s sake.
Neroon: If he doesn’t find it I’ll shoot the station. I’LL DO IT.
Sinclair: Greater Jerk indeed.
MEANWHILE, IN DELENN’S HEAD…
Delenn: Hi Alisa, having fun with telepathy, eh?
Alisa: Yep. So how about the Minbari telepathy stuff?
Delenn: Telepaths on our world don’t get paid, but people always help them out.
Alisa: Alien minds are scary though.
Delenn: I’m not scary, don’t worry.
ALSO NEROON IS KIND OF AN IDIOT
Sinclair: Seriously? They ransacked my quarters?
Sinclair and Neroon fight a bit, then Neroon falls down.
Neroon: I figured no one searched here.
Garibaldi: I did. With Delenn.
Garibaldi: Alisa has An Idea.
Alisa: Delenn knows who took the body and where it is.
WELL THIS IS AWKWARD.
Delenn: Uh…hi guys.
Sinclair: Shipping stuff home? Like an urn?
Sinclair: That was slick, actually. Why’d you do this?
Delenn: Branmer wanted a quiet funeral, and so I gave him one. But now you guys have shown up and ruined it.
Garibaldi: Neroon wanted to blow us up.
Delenn: We could have explained it away as turning into a shiny ball of light. It’s kind of a thing on this show.
Garibaldi: So how do we explain this to Neroon?
Delenn: I’ll threaten him.
WHY YES DELENN IS KIND OF SCARY
Delenn: You disobeyed your leader. So I took the body. So, to keep people from realizing you really are a Greater Jerk we’ll say he was turned into a shiny ball of light like Valen. THE GREY COUNCIL SAYS SO.
Delenn: Also, apologize to Sinclair.
NEROON ISN’T A COMPLETE JERK. JUST MOSTLY A JERK.
Neroon: Sorry about that.
Sinclair: Nah, I know you wanted to honor him. I’d like to honor him too, I thought he was pretty epic.
Neroon: You do? Sweet. You’re like a Minbari.
Sinclair: Thanks. We’re bros for life, then, right?
Neroon: BROS FOR LIFE. But I’m still a Greater Jerk NYAHNYAH.
Audience: OH SNAP.
Ivanova: Have fun.
Talia: Don’t hurt yourself.
Ivanova: Talia, what…did you just cut your hair? In the course of the day while we were all arguing? How did…that’s not…you can’t…WHAT.
Alisa: LOL. Bye guys.
Talia: So, let’s go for drinks.
Ivanova: Coffee. Drunk on duty doesn’t go over well. I might wind up beating people up again.
FORESHADOWING FOR DAYS!
Sinclair: See anything else in Delenn’s mind?
Alisa: She was thinking about a Chrysalis. Do you think it was a plotpoint?
Sinclair: Probably so. Or she’s about to start singing that stupid “Decolores” song. Annoy Neroon for me.
Alisa: NO PROBLEM.