Friday, May 9, 2014

Parody 5: S1, E17: The Girl Who Cried Telepath

THE PLOT

Sinclair: So the greatest leader of the Warrior Minbari ever has died.

Garibaldi: And now they’re taking the corpse on a tour? Is that like a threat or something?

Minbari War Cruiser: OHAI.

Sinclair: Oh God, the flashbacks…


ZOCALO

Meanwhile, a girl attempts to shoplift. It fails and then karma catches up to her.

Girl: MY BRAIN HURTS!!! *faints*

Talia: Looked like she just got mindraped by EVERYONE.

Ivanova: Ouch.


SPEAKING OF FLASHBACKS

Corwin: Their gunports are open! OHNOES!

Sinclair: What gives, Greater Jerks?

Minbari Guy: TROLLOLOL!

Delenn bursts in, skids across the floor, and nearly falls over in a fit of panic.

Delenn: IT’S OKAY THEIR GUNS AREN’T ACTIVATED DON’T SHOOT ANYONE too close way too close IT’S CUSTOM NO NEED TO START ANY WARS. I’ll see you in docking.


I THINK THERE’S A METAPHOR HERE BUT I’M NOT SURE

Franklin: So what happened here?

Talia: She got mind-bursted. Her telepathy just got activated. We’ll send her on to Psi-Corps.

Ivanova: She was thieving! She has to stay here.

Franklin: But since she’s here GTFO.


THEY HAVE GREAT INNER BEAUTY

Neroon: So, everyone has to Stay The Eff Away from the body until the viewing. No humans. Like AT ALL.

Sinclair: That’s fine, but you’re kind of on my station.

Neroon: We were in charge on the Line so there!

Delenn: Girls, girls, you’re both pretty.

Neroon: …

Sinclair: …


The Viewing happens, with Neroon wearing a Sith robe.

Neroon: Alas, poor Branmer. I knew him.

Coffin: NO BODY TROLLOLOL!

Neroon: FFFFFFUUUU—

Sinclair: What.


NEROON SHOUTS THINGS

Neroon: You lost his body! I’ll declare war. I’ll do it.

Delenn: We’d have to discuss it for six months, Neroon, we have a bureaucracy remember?

Neroon: I’M OUT BITCHES.

Ivanova: Hi guys, this kid just became telepathic but I think she shouldn’t be forced into Psi-Corps.

Sinclair: SHIP HER OFF TO THE VORLON HOMEWORLD. I HAVE TO PREVENT A WAR.

Ivanova: …do you need chocolate?


EVEN MORE FORESHADOWING!

Delenn: You know he used to be a religious caste, but then he had to become a war leader.

Sinclair: How’d he feel about the surrender?

Delenn: He was okay. Some of them hated it. Sinavel committed suicide. He was on a plotship that may or may not show up in Season 2.
.

ALISA IS A TROLLAPATH

Alisa: Psi-Corps will give me clothes!

Ivanova: And if you decide not to join they inject you with mind-raping drugs.

Alisa: But what else can I do then?

Ivanova: I’ll find some other options. Also, give me back my link you little bitch.

Alisa: LOL.


THE NARNS HAVE A LOT OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Na’Toth: You get a house and clothes and jewelry and money and it’ll be awesome.

Ivanova: What is she supposed to do?

Na’Toth: We take genetic samples so we can make telepaths. The mother of the Narn telepaths!

Franklin: And you’d be the only human on Narn.

Alisa: NARN MINDS ARE SCARY!

Franklin: It is Na’Toth.


NEROON THREATENS TO SHOOT EVEN MORE THINGS

Sinclair: We’re searching the entire station for God’s sake.

Neroon: If he doesn’t find it I’ll shoot the station. I’LL DO IT.

Sinclair: Greater Jerk indeed.


MEANWHILE, IN DELENN’S HEAD…

Delenn: Hi Alisa, having fun with telepathy, eh?

Alisa: Yep. So how about the Minbari telepathy stuff?

Delenn: Telepaths on our world don’t get paid, but people always help them out.

Alisa: Alien minds are scary though.

Delenn: I’m not scary, don’t worry.

Flashback: *TriangleFlashGuardFreeze*

Alisa: G2GFOUNDTHEPLOT.


ALSO NEROON IS KIND OF AN IDIOT

Sinclair: Seriously? They ransacked my quarters?

Neroon: *tackle*

Sinclair and Neroon fight a bit, then Neroon falls down.

Neroon: I figured no one searched here.

Garibaldi: I did. With Delenn.

Sinclair: GTFO.

Neroon: *scowl*

Garibaldi: Alisa has An Idea.

Alisa: Delenn knows who took the body and where it is.


WELL THIS IS AWKWARD.

Delenn: Uh…hi guys.

Sinclair: Shipping stuff home? Like an urn?

Delenn: …oh.

Sinclair: That was slick, actually. Why’d you do this?

Delenn: Branmer wanted a quiet funeral, and so I gave him one. But now you guys have shown up and ruined it.

Garibaldi: Neroon wanted to blow us up.

Delenn: We could have explained it away as turning into a shiny ball of light. It’s kind of a thing on this show.

Garibaldi: So how do we explain this to Neroon?

Delenn: I’ll threaten him.


WHY YES DELENN IS KIND OF SCARY

Delenn: You disobeyed your leader. So I took the body. So, to keep people from realizing you really are a Greater Jerk we’ll say he was turned into a shiny ball of light like Valen. THE GREY COUNCIL SAYS SO.

Neroon: …fine.

Delenn: Also, apologize to Sinclair.

Neroon: …fine.


NEROON ISN’T A COMPLETE JERK. JUST MOSTLY A JERK.

Neroon: Sorry about that.

Sinclair: Nah, I know you wanted to honor him. I’d like to honor him too, I thought he was pretty epic.

Neroon: You do? Sweet. You’re like a Minbari.

Sinclair: Thanks. We’re bros for life, then, right?

Neroon: BROS FOR LIFE. But I’m still a Greater Jerk NYAHNYAH.

Audience: OH SNAP.


BOARDING!

Ivanova: Have fun.

Talia: Don’t hurt yourself.

Ivanova: Talia, what…did you just cut your hair? In the course of the day while we were all arguing? How did…that’s not…you can’t…WHAT.

Alisa: LOL. Bye guys.

Talia: So, let’s go for drinks.

Ivanova: Coffee. Drunk on duty doesn’t go over well. I might wind up beating people up again.


FORESHADOWING FOR DAYS!

Sinclair: See anything else in Delenn’s mind?

Alisa: She was thinking about a Chrysalis. Do you think it was a plotpoint?

Sinclair: Probably so. Or she’s about to start singing that stupid “Decolores” song. Annoy Neroon for me.

Alisa: NO PROBLEM.

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