Friday, May 16, 2014

Parody 5: S1, E18: A Plotpoint in the Wilderness, Part 1

An old Minbari guy arrives looking for Delenn, and Ivanova sends shuttles to find out why the planet below is making really bad scary noises.


GARIBALDI THE OMNIPRESENT

Talia: Hi Sinclair.

Sinclair: Why are you standing here?

Talia: Garibaldi is on every elevator I ever get on.

Sinclair: He can’t possibly do that.

Garibaldi: OHAI GUYS.

Sinclair: What.


C&C

Ivanova: What happened?

Takashi: The planet EMP’d us!

Ivanova: I’ll send out the star furies. Just stay there guys.

Takashi: Where else would we go? Okay guys. Kosh vs. Batman. Go.


LONDO LOVES INTERNET MEMES

Londo: Oh fine. We’ll go on with the Noodle Trade Routes. This is so much nicer without G’Kar, right?

Delenn: He’ll get better. Eventually.

Londo: Nah. The Narns hate us FOREVERRR. They could hate us to death.

Sinclair: You don’t have to hate back.

Londo: Haters gonna hate!

Sinclair: What.


PLOTMARS

ISN: Looks like the Martians are revolting. Here’s a live feed of the HORROR.

Derek the Reporter: As you can see, there are horrible things going on. Some guys raided a military base, and they’ve started whining about killing people from Earth.

Alien Guy Hologram: Help me, Jeffrey Sinclair, you’re my only hope!

Sinclair: WHAT.


DRAAL NEEDS A NEW PLOT FOR HIS LIFE

Delenn breaks out the not-alcohol, and Draal the old Minbari crack jokes.

Draal: I can’t remember how many of my stories I told you.

Delenn: All of them. Three times. Why are you actually here?

Draal: There’s something terrible happening on Minbar. So I’m going to sea.

Delenn: But you could live for years and years more.

Draal: Yeah but there’s really nothing I can do to help Minbar. I mean, from what I’m hearing, there’s some huge story arc about to happen. What can you do?


DID I MENTION THAT THING ABOUT THE ATMOSPHERE?

Ivanova: Get the readings and get back. Also don’t go inside the atmosphere.

Takashi: No problem.

Ivanova: You got the part about not going inside the atmosphere?

Takashi: Totally.

Ivanova: And you won’t go inside the atmosphere.

Takashi: Nope.


GARIBALDI IS OMNISCIENT AND KNOWS ALL PLOTPOINTS

Talia: Go away Garibaldi.

Garibaldi: I’m sorry for being on elevators forever. I need help. See, when I worked on Mars, I had an epic girlfriend but then I screwed it up and now I want to see if she’s okay but I can’t get through.

Talia: What am I supposed to do?

Garibaldi: You can talk to the Mystical Psi-Corps Research Plot Center.

Talia: The Mysterious One that no one is supposed to know about ever?

Garibaldi: Yeah. That one. With the creepy plothings of doom.

Talia: Oh fine. I’ll try.


SPEAKING OF THE ATMOSPHERE

Takashi: I’m gonna go check the atmosphere.

Ivanova: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE ATMOSPHERE?

Takashi: Hey, missiles!

The missiles are seeking heat, and the star furies can’t go in there, and…

Ivanova: Shoot the missiles!

Takashi: We’re fine! We’re okay!

Ivanova’s Actual Speech: Ivanova is always right. You will listen to Ivanova. You will not ignore Ivanova’s recommendations. Ivanova is GOD. If you ever mess up Ivanova WILL PERSONALLY RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT.

EVERYONE: D-:

Somewhere, a star goes super nova, an entire universe is reborn, and celestial beings ascend and descend upon the station.




IT HAS SECRET PLANET-Y THINGS

Takashi: Look, there’s a super secret entrance to the underground!

Ivanova: Maybe just an old defense system set off by the earthquakes.

Takashi: And it looks like the missile came from like five miles below. I bet there’s something special down there.

Sinclair: LET’S GO TOUCH IT!


LONDO GETS THE CALL TO ADVENTURE

Londo: Hey, you look miserable. Let’s drink together. I’ll tell you about my experiences at the dancing clubs.

Garibaldi: What.

Londo: I was sitting around miserable but then a dancer told me things would be better, and kissed me. So, Garibaldi, things will be better.

Garibaldi: Touch me and die.

Londo: I’m going to spread happiness and joy elsewhere. Bye.

Kat: He left you with the bill.

Garibaldi: FFFFFUUUUU—

Old Alien Guy: Help me Londo Mollari, you’re my only hope!

Londo: WHAT.


EPSILON AWESOME

Meanwhile, Sinclair and Ivanova fly into the fissure, which leads them to a glowy gateway. It’s all rather colorful. Sinclair is super excited to be doing this.

Dark tunnel is dark. And then they find SOMETHING.

Ivanova: Look, a dead alien!

Sinclair: That’s comforting. Looks like a trap. But it can go off every three seconds. Have fun.

Sinclair throws rocks and then they dart across the Trap of Doom, and fall down, naturally.

Ivanova: What next? We spell out the Great Maker’s name on the floor? Hey, what’s this?

They find a giant shiny alien machine.

Sinclair: I WANNA KEEP IT FOREVER.


LONDO MOLLARI AND THE MEANING OF LIFE

Delenn: Hi Londo. This is my friend Draal.

Londo: I’m trying to figure out the Hokey Pokey. Here, let me sing it for you.

Delenn: …what.

Londo: They think the Hokey Pokey is the meaning of life! But it doesn’t make sense!

Draal: Let’s sing it together!

Not Shown: Musical Sequence


EPSIQUAKE

Sinclair: I WAS JOKING ABOUT KEEPING IT FOREVER, PLANET!

Rocks fall and their way is blocked. Then…

Old Alien Guy: Guys seriously HELP ME OUT HERE.

Sinclair: That’s the old guy from Scene 24!

Ivanova: Dude, he’s like strapped into this thing.

Sinclair: We’ll help you little dude.


CLIFFHANGER!

Sinclair: Hi guys. We’re outta here.

Then a ship comes through the jumpgate. And…


TO BE CONTINUED TROLLOLOL

No comments:

Post a Comment