Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Parody 5: S1, E19: A Plotpoint in the Wilderness Part 2

PREVIOUSLY, ON PARODY 5...

Varn: Help me, fully engaged viewer! You're my only hope!
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Londo: Garibaldi...I'm pregnant.

Garibaldi: Quit drinking, Londo.
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Takashi: There's...something on the wing! Some! Thing!
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Psi-Corps: Garibaldi knows our secrets, does he?

Talia: What do we do?

Psi-Corps: It's simple. WE KILL THE BATMAN.
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Draal: Tell me, Delenn. Is the hokey-pokey...really what it's all about?
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AND NOW...THE CONCLUSION.


C&C

So the big ship arrives. It turns out to be an Earthforce Heavy Cruiser captained by Not!Samuel L. Jackson.

Pierce: We get to deal with the planet now so there.

Garibaldi: Wait, what?


THAT ROOM THAT IS USED FOR MILITARY CONFERENCES AND BIRTHDAY PARTIES

Pierce: Sounds like Epsilon 3 is pretty bad-ass. And you know everyone’s gonna be fighting over that planet. So we’re here to keep them from taking it. It’s gonna be bad.

Sinclair: Yeah, you just told everyone it was important by showing up in the first place.

Pierce: How’s our prisoner?

Sinclair: The PATIENT is not doing so well. And if you recall this is kind of a diplomatic place. Now GTFO.


THE LIVING DEFINITION OF DIGGING YOURSELF DEEPER

ISN: Troops are dealing with the Mars issue.

Dude: I don’t like people on Mars.

Garibaldi: K.

Dude: I mean, Mars. Right?

Garibaldi: Whatever dude.

Dude: I mean, Marvin the Martian. Who roots for Marvin the Martian?

Garibaldi: No one cares, man.

Dude: They can gas them and punch them and nuke them! I’m sure there’s no one anyone loves on Mars, because SCREW MARS.

Garibaldi: I WILL SHOVE YOUR HEAD THROUGH THE COUNTER!


OH LOOK, ANOTHER DIRE SITUATION

Ivanova: So basically we’ve got about two days before we die.

Garibaldi: And it’ll take five days to evacuate.

Ivanova: And Pierce wants to go down there again. Which was what made it worse before.

Sinclair: And there’s no one down there to make it stop.

Ivanova: So we’re screwed any which way.


YEAH, YEAH STAR WARS REFERENCE, ETC.

Old Alien Guy Voice: Draal…need help…you’re my only hope…

Draal: Whoa. That was weird. I think it came from down this way.


INFORMATION THAT COULD HAVE BEEN USED HOURS AGO

Draal: There he is. We’re going in.

Franklin: Hey, what the…you can’t…

Draal: He was talking to me.

Old Alien Guy: No…my money…Draal, there you are! Don’t go to that planet or it’ll explode.

Franklin: *facepalm*


C&C

Ivanova: So yeah, we can’t go to the planet, but Pierce, despite being told about this, wants to go down there anyways.

Pierce: I bet that guy is lying! My experts say it’ll be fine.

Sinclair: Why are the experts always saying stupid things? Anyways, if you try to go down there, I will shoot you. Seriously. Otherwise we all blow up.

Pierce: What. FINE.

Suddenly, another ship arrives! With those bright annoying halogen headlights.

Jerk Alien: So we’ve been looking for this planet for like 500 years, and now we found it. I KEEP IT NOW. Also you get ten hours to move.

Pierce: Oh yeah? The planet is ours. So there! And you only get nine hours so there!

Ivanova: They’re both pretty.


BACKSTORY!

Old Alien Guy: We told those guys where to shove it. And then I took care of the planet after the others died. The Machine and me? We’re BFFs.

Franklin: So why haven’t you talked to us?

Old Alien Guy: Plot Secrets. But you have to stop the Greater Jerks of my race.

Sinclair: But the planet is imploding.

Old Alien Guy: Cause there’s no one in there!

Franklin: I think he’s been dying for a while, that’s why the earthquakes started.


LONDO’S ELEVEN

Londo: He popped up in front of me too.

Delenn: Odd choices of people to troll.

Draal: We understand self-sacrifice more than others. You could do this.

Londo: I know! I’m just that epic.

Delenn: You know what this means, right?

Londo: Someone ain’t coming back. I’ve always had vague dreams of dying doing something epic. As opposed to the very specific dreams of being murdered by G'Kar.

Delenn: *facepalm*


C&C

Garibaldi: Dude, someone grabbed the patient and ran.

Ivanova: What.

Evil Alien Guy: WE TOLD YOU NOT TO SEND SHIPS.

Ivanova: Freaking spaz. But that ship is going to the planet.

Pierce: LET’S DO THIS, BITCH.

Sinclair: Damn straight.

Garibaldi: I’m going after that shuttle.

Ivanova: Whoever’s in charge of that shuttle is crazy.


MR. TOAD FLIES A SPACESHIP

Pilot!Londo: THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!

Delenn: Just don’t look out…don’t look out…


PLANET OF AWESOME

Garibaldi: What is this I don’t even.

Londo: We’re trying to keep the planet from exploding.
Varn: I made an air pocket so you can breathe!

Garibaldi: Helpful.

Delenn: See, someone needs to be in the machine.

Draal: And I’m doing it. It’ll be awesome, trust me.


Suddenly, a very literal Deus Ex Machina takes over the ships.

Draal: The planet doesn’t belong to you guys. Sinclair, don’t tell anyone about this. We let Babylon 5 take care of it and not let anyone meddle with it until the plot demands. And if anyone tries to meddle with it before then I WILL END THEM. See you next season.

Corwin: The idiots are still trying to take the planet.

Jerk Aliens: *die*

FYI Draal looks rather happy in the Machine


WELL THAT SUCKS

Sinclair: So Lise is wounded but she’ll be okay. Here she is.

Garibaldi: I’m sorry for screwing up I should have stayed and I love you and I will come to Mars and…

Lise: I’m married to a guy named Franz.

Garibaldi: Franz? Seriously?


WHAT IS THIS, THE ASTRONOMY TOWER?

Delenn: Staring soulfully at stars, are you?

Garibaldi: Yep. So why didn’t you tell us about Varn?

Delenn: Because Sinclair probably would have done it. And he’s needed for later plotpoints. Plus, Londo had some fun. G’night Draal.

Draal: Good night John Boy.

Sinclair: Night Grandpa.

Londo: Night Vir.

Garibaldi: All of you shut up!


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