Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Parody 5: S1, E22: This Finale Is In A Cocoon

SQUABBLING!

Londo: You keep attacking!

G’Kar: You keep attacking!

Sinclair: Don’t make me reach back there!

Londo: If he keeps doing this he won’t have a planet to protect!

Sinclair: Stop the foreshadowing, Londo.


DON’T YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DIE RIGHT BEFORE THEY TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT?

Petrov: Garibaldi…they’re going to kill…AAAAAGHHHH.

Garibaldi: Aaaaaghhhh? Who’s aaaaagggghhh? Aw, crap. I bet this is an arc point.


HERE HAVE SOMETHING HAPPY

ISN: Anyways the PRESIDENT is going to give a speech on Io. I’m sure this will have no impact on the plot AT ALL.

Catherine: So, I have a surprise for you on New Year’s, while Santiago speechifies.

Sinclair: I also have a surprise. Look! A ring!

Catherine: And you can have this Super Magic Dragon Medallion I stole from a crappy 80’s movie!

Sinclair: I LOVE YOU.


THIS WILL END WELL I’M SURE

Londo: I hate G’Kar! Stupid G’Kar! I’m deeply in hate with him!

Vir: I know.

Londo: And now our government is going to give them Quadrant 37! It sucks! I think I’m being nibbled to death by cats!

Me: I know how that feels!

Morden: Ohai Londo!

Londo: MY BFF!

Morden: We should go hang out in the garden.

Londo: Sweet. What’s your name?

Morden: My name is…Morden.

Londo: My God, your name is creepy. Let’s do this!



KOSH IS WRITING THE SCRIPT AGAIN

Delenn: So what did Kosh say?

Lennier: He said yep. I think he also swore in Vorlon, or something.

Delenn: Well, I have to go do something plot relevant.


GARIBALDI, PI

Garibaldi: Hey Kid Rock. Anyone know Petrov? He’s dead.

Short Guy That Will Show Up Later: Hey, come into my creepy tent. So we loaded cargo, but Petrov stayed behind with this creeper named Devereaux.

Garibaldi: Wasn’t he from Days of our Lives?

Short Guy: I know, right? Petrov went looking for you. He was freaking.


THE GARDEN OF SALESMANSHIP

Londo: Ohai Morden! Your hair is bigger.

Morden: …I like the 80’s. Anyways, my associates can deal with Quadrant 37.

Londo: What.

Morden: Tell the Centauri you’ll deal with it.

Londo: What’s the price?

Morden: Your soul.

Londo: Sounds legit.


KOSH IS STILL SHINY

Delenn: Ohai. You sure this is a good idea? I want to make sure this is true.

Kosh then poofs out of his encounter suit, and he is SUPER SHINY. Also he has wings. WHICH IS EPIC.

Delenn: Sweet. See you on the flip side.

Kosh: Lol bye.


HAPPINESS IS A PLOTPOINT

Garibaldi: I know you guys are planning something.

Sinclair: Well, we need a job.

Garibaldi: Let me find my fedora.

Sinclair: In my wedding?

Garibaldi: WHAT. This is awesome! I’m sure nothing terrible will happen. Also, can I really wear the fedora in the wedding?

Commlink: Ohai Garibaldi. Devereaux went missing.

Garibaldi: And his PPG is unregistered. They must be special agents for Earthforce. Explains the Evil Brit accent. I think he has a Persian cat too.


Meanwhile, in Quadrant 37, Shadows arrive, and the Narns board the Nope Train.


C&C

ISN: So the vice president totally claimed he has the flu and he left Earthforce One. Totally legit right?


HERE HAVE SOME JUDAS IMAGERY

Second-in-Command: Hi chief! What’s up?

Garibaldi: Looking for something suspicious. Look, transmitters of doom! And a triangulation system of doom! And that’s set for Io! Where the president is going to be!

Second-in-Command: Uhh…

Garibaldi: And it has the Gold Channel frequency for Earthforce One! MY GOD THE CONSPIRACY!

Devereaux: Ohai.

Second-in-Command: FIRIN MY LAZORS!

Devereaux: Good job, Starscream.

Second-in-Command: D-:<


DELENN FORESHADOWS EVEN MORE THINGS

Sinclair: Can’t find Garibaldi.

Ivanova: Must be a conspiracy.

Delenn: Ohai. Remember this epic triangle?

Sinclair: Oh God. The triangle of doom. Wait a minute, you—

Delenn: Well, we have a large amount of plotpoints to get through. You need to hurry. Things have been set in motion…

Sinclair: That cannot be undone?

Tolkien: I HEARD THAT.


NARN MEDITATION DOESN’T SEEM VERY RELAXING

G’Kar: Soldiers of Darkness stole my money…tapdancing…

Na’Toth: Quadrant 37 is destroyed.

G’Kar: WHAT.

Na’Toth: It’s like some terrible vagueness killed them.

G’Kar: I know the humans and Centauri wouldn’t have done it. The Minbari wouldn’t. The Vorlons are too busy throwing exclusive parties to care. No one else could have. MY GOD! THE DARK VAGUENESS OF DOOM IS HERE!


DELENN FULFILLS SOME PROPHECY

Lennier: Delenn, couldn’t you have waited till after the holiday?

Delenn: It’s more epic and symbolic this way.

Lennier: But what if you’re not the Chosen One?

Delenn: Well, it’ll suck then. Time to put the Magic Triangle on the Magic Triangle Card House. OOH IT GLOWS.

The Magic Triangle Card House begins making…something.


GARIBALDI IS A DETERMINATOR

Random Guy Who Looks Like Jackie Chan: Butter my butt and call me a biscuit! It’s Garibaldi!

Franklin: What.

Garibaldi: Gaaa…Sinclair….horrible conspiracy…killing president…Io…

Franklin: He needs morphine, methinks.


ASSASSINATION!

ISN: So the president is going to IO on Earthforce One.

Ivanova: They’re jamming the signals! But we have ISN.

Sinclair: Quick, warn them about Garibaldi’s vaguely worded conspiracy theory!

ISN: Huh there’s a delay. I wonder why….WHAT IS THIS AN EMERGENCY OH MERCIFUL SPACE SQUID.

Earthforce One: *explodes*

Earthforce One: *EXPLODES A LOT!*

Everyone on C&C: DO NOT WANT!!!!!!!

Sinclair: So Garibaldi might die. We need to find that stupid Brit Devereaux.


GARDEN OF USED CAR SALESMANSHIP

Londo: You destroyed the whole place!

Morden: Yep. Anyways, everyone on Centauri Prime thinks you’re awesome. Also, look at my poofy hair! Would I screw things up?

Londo: I…I guess not.


EVEN MORE CONSPIRACIES!

Sinclair: Look, Garibaldi talked about an assassination and he got shot.

Senator Chick: Nah. I don’t see it. Say nothing or else.

Sinclair: Yeah, that’s not sketchy at all.


KOSH NEVER STOP TROLLING

ISN: So Clark is president. I’m sure this is not plot relevant at all.

Clark: Lol this will be fun!

Kosh: *sneaks up*

Sinclair: This sucks.

Kosh: *sneaks up*

Clark: We’ll focus on Earth and making ourselves more awesome than anyone else using advanced technology that is totally legit. Totally.

Kosh: *SNEAKS UP*

Sinclair: GAAA.

Kosh: And so, it begins.

Sinclair: That sounds epic.

Kosh: You forgot about your plot discussion.

Sinclair: BRB FINDING THE PLOT.


DELENN ATTENDS CHRYSALIS

Lennier: She’s in a cocoon.

Sinclair: What.


G’KAR IS THE ONLY ONE TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING

Na’Toth: G’Kar?

Computer Message: Hi Na’Toth! I went to Homeworld, because I think Quadrant 37 is related to Dark Vagueness. Tell Sinclair we were at the plot expansion after all. TTYL.

Na’Toth: WHAT.


SHADOW NEW YEAR PARTIES ARE THE BEST

Shadows: So? What’s with Londo?

Morden: He’s ready. He doesn’t know what’s going on. We have a destiny!

Shadows: How many times have people said that phrase in this series?

Morden: All the time, guys. ALL THE TIME.

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