Garibaldi: I don’t know about this new captain. He seems too…happy.
Garibaldi: My second-in-command was a traitor! That sucks.
Megatron: TELL ME ABOUT IT.
OH LOOK YET ANOTHER CONSPIRACY
Refa: We were impressed by your insane ability to take care of Quadrant 37. How did you do it?
Londo: Oh things…and stuff…and no spiders whatsoever…
Refa: And luckily we didn’t have to surrender or anything. Our emperor is a total idiot with his desire to not be blowing up Narns all the time. But once he kicks the bucket we’ll take over.
Londo: Isn’t this like treason or something?
Refa: Oh come on! Peer pressure!
WE FOUND THE PLOT!
Drazi: HEY YOU GUYS LET’S FIGHT OVER OUR PRETTY COLORED SCARVES!
They do so.
IT’S ALMOST AS BAD AS A FIELD PROMOTION
Ivanova: So apparently every five years the Drazi fight each other for power.
Sheridan: This might be a good idea, actually. You can learn diplomacy.
Ivanova: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I DON’T HAVE DIPLOMACY?
Sheridan: Also you get a promotion. Here’s orange juice, since I’m obsessed with it.
Sheridan: Now go deal with those crazy Drazi. I’m going to go see Garibaldi.
Ivanova watches the screen of brawling Drazi.
SIGN OF THE TIMES
Londo: Three techno-mages gave the first emperor their blessing. I could totally do this too as a sign. Go talk to those technomages that just showed up.
IN WHICH REAL LIFE WRITES THE PLOT
Ivanova: You guys are idiots. Most of us would be okay if you killed each other, but we want a peaceful way to deal with this. What’s your issues?
Drazi: He’s purple, and I’m green.
Ivanova: Who gets to wear which?
Drazi: We draw them out of a box.
Ivanova: WHAT. Hey, you two, come here a minute.
Ivanova: WHAT. Hey, you two, come here a minute.
Ivanova takes a purple scarf and puts it on a green Drazi. The other greens immediately attack him. Ivanova falls down. (And breaks a leg.)
Vir: I’m Vir and I work for Londo…the people running away screaming in terror said you were here…?
Vir: I’M VIR PLEASE DON’T EAT ME
Elric: Huh, you don’t get too scared of my fake monsters.
Vir: I work for Londo.
Elric: …appropriate. What’s he want?
Vir: He wants to talk to you.
Elric: We don’t talk to anyone. We’re going far far away. We may even go to Taco Bell.
Vir: I’ll be in very bad trouble.
Elric: And if you bother us more you’ll be in very worse trouble. Also, meddle not in the affairs of wizards.
Commlink: Hey Ivanova, I know your leg is broken and all, but the Drazi have started actually murdering one another.
Ivanova: Violence, on my station? I’LL KILL THEM ALL.
LONDO ACTS SKETCHY
Elric: We’re just hanging out for a bit. You know, like Woodstock, with less drugs.
Sheridan: But I have to figure out why. There’s like 100 of you. Isn’t that a bad omen?
Elric: We don’t have to tell anyone where we’re going.
Londo: Oh hey, let me sit my drink here sketchily. You guys look like you’re having so much fun.
Elric: I see what you do there Londo. He keeps trying to bother me. Look at my awesome special effects of Babbling!Vir.
Londo: He recorded my conversation, but I’ll forgive him. Let’s offer hands of friendship.
Elric explodes the recording device.
Elric: I WILL END YOU.
Sheridan: LONDO…I AM DISAPOINT. But seriously, what’s going on Elric?
Elric: Do you believe in magic?
Sheridan: …friendship and oranges?
Elric: Riiight. We’ll go with that. Anyways, point being, we know really awesome secrets. We have to preserve them from THE EVIL DARKNESS OF DOOM. We can’t tell you where we’re going though. Here, have this magic…orange blossom. Of friendship.
EVEN THE DRAZIS LIKE CONSPIRACIES
Ivanova: I want to talk to your leader.
Drazi: Go for it.
Drazi Leader: You can tell the purple Drazi to go into a certain room, and when they get there we lock them in and open the airlocks! IT’LL BE FUN!
Ivanova: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND?
Other Drazis: *ambush*
Welch: We have a Drazi meeting, Ivanova texted it while hanging with Drazis. Totally legit, I’m sure.
Garibaldi: MY SKETCHY SENSES ARE TINGLING.
GARIBALDI MAKES ANOTHER REFERENCE
Ivanova: You’re all idiots, just to let you know.
Garibaldi: Hey, hey, I got a great Acme product, let me demonstrate, just a moment, Warner Bros. doesn’t have to know. Anyone need help?
Ivanova: I’LL TAKE IT!
Garibaldi beats up all the Drazi. I mean every single one in the whole room. It’s AWESOME.
MY LITTLE TECHNOMAGE: TROLLING IS MAGIC
Narn opera screeches in the background while a holo-demon attacks Londo’s computer like Agent Smith on crack and buys him 2000 shares in a spoo farm.
Londo: I don’t know what to do!
Vir: You could apologize.
Computer: Also, you own 500,000 shares in fireflies.
Owl City: =D
LOOPHOLES ARE ALSO MAGIC
Ivanova: You know what? Screw it. Give me that stupid scarf.
Drazi: You’re green leader now!
Ivanova: Really? Wow, that…was surprisingly easy. ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, WAR’S OVER.
Londo: Ummm…hi? What I did was kind of a not perfectly good idea. The concealed camera was a silly idea.
Londo: I’M SORRY DON’T EAT ME.
Londo: Err…thanks. Umm…bye. Maybe we can talk some other time? Yeah…bye.
Demon Thing: NEXT WE SHALL REPLACE ALL HIS UNDERWEAR WITH PAPER BAGS. LAWLZ.
TIME FOR THE PLOT DISCUSSION WRAP-UP!
Garibaldi: I figured out I basically know everything about everyone. Also, I don’t trust anyone either.
Franklin: Perfect as the security chief. And the paranoia will not have any bearing on future plots, or lead to a devastating betrayal.
Sheridan: I’m going to say goodbye to the technomages. Garibaldi, we’re bros for life now. I’m sure that will not lead to any Biblical references at all.
AND NOW TIME FOR YOUR WEEKLY CRYPTIC PROPHECY
Londo: That was not fun. Those demon things. Will they go away when you leave?
Elric: Already got rid of them. But you are becoming evil. I see a hand, reaching from the stars, and it’s because you’re a Greater Jerk. Good luck with that.
Sheridan: Goodbye, technomages. Part of me says we’ll not see their like again.
Corwin: Sir? Are you talking to yourself?
Sheridan: Yes. Stop listening to other people’s conversations.
Corwin: Yes sir.