Thursday, September 11, 2014

Parody 5: S2, E4: Lost In Hyperspace!

A message comes to Babylon 5 for Captain Sheridan.

Ivanova: Can I call you Swamp Rat just like Captain Maynard?

Sheridan: NO. Now look at that awesome ship.

Ivanova: Captained by “Stinky”. Who came up with these cheesy nicknames?

JMS: …


THE CORRIDOR EVERYONE USES FOR IMPORTANT CONVERSATIONS

Sheridan: So how about that Rim, eh?

Maynard: Very mysterious. Is that a Minbari with hair?

Sheridan: That’s Ambassador Delenn.

Maynard: …is she single?

Sheridan: D-:<


HAVE WE MENTIONED GARIBALDI IS ITALIAN?

Garibaldi: I want unhealthy food, dammit. UNHEALTHY FOOD.

Franklin: Nope.

Garibaldi: But…but the bagna cauda.

Franklin: Isn’t that the most unhealthy thing the Italians have come up with, including Pizza Hut?

Garibaldi: Pizza Hut isn’t really Italian…

Franklin: Well anyways you can’t have any of that.

Garibaldi: BUT THE BAGNA CAUDA!

Franklin: Tough. Now I can force my diets IMEANFOODPLANS on everyone!


MAYNARD ACCIDENTALLIES SHERIDAN’S NEUROSES

Sheridan: So the Centauri and Narns were trying to kill each other, as usual; the Vorlon kept muttering mysterious things and drifting away, and if you asked him to explain he says something about “whoops time for tea catch you later”; the Minbari wouldn’t let me play their Minbari games, and Delenn was in a cocoon.

Maynard: WHAT.

Sheridan: That was my first day at work.

Maynard: So I figured you would explore forever and not be strapped to a desk and be angsty through the episode.

Sheridan: …


IS THAT JAZZ MUSIC I HEAR?

Poor Red Shirt Keffer: So where next, Captain Stinky?

Maynard: Back to the Rim.

Ivanova: The creepy Rim of doom? Where mysterious things happen?

Maynard: Yes. Kind of like people saying something is living in hyperspace. Something which totally has nothing to do with Death Spiders.


HEY THAT CORRIDOR HAS A STAIRCASE NOW

Sheridan: Wait, were you serious, or were you trolling them?

Maynard: No, I saw SOMETHING. ON THE WING. I mean on the Rim. Something big and black and creepy.

Sheridan: Which is not a Death Spider.

Maynard: Damn straight.

Sheridan: Huh, G’Kar said something weird was out there too. Maybe we shouldn’t have laughed at him uproariously.


DR. FOODNAZI

Franklin: Ivanova, you need to gain weight!

Ivanova: What.

Franklin: This way your leg will get better quicker.

Ivanova: But I will become the expanding Russian frontier!

Franklin: Seriously, who is coming up with these jokes?

JMS: …


HYPERSPACE IS SCARY

Random Crew: So here’s the report about—DEAR SWEET LIONFISH WHY DID THAT RANDOMLY EXPLODE?

Commander: Looks like the EMP signal from who knows where but nothing to do with Death Spiders of course blew our navigation.

Maynard: Which means we can’t get a lock-on signal!

Commander: And you kids know what that means! We’re lost in hyperspace! Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

Lennier: Wait, what?


DR. FOODNAZI PART 2

Ivanova: Screw this foodplan diet thing whatsit.

Sheridan: Let’s switch food.

Garibaldi: HELLO CARBS.

Franklin: I see wat u do there.


C&C

Mayday message: We have no lock-on signal and we’re screwed. I repeat, WE ARE SCREWED.

Sheridan: Well, damn. Get the pilots ready.

Ivanova: But no one has been found lost in hyperspace before!

Sheridan: As I said, DAMN.


DR. FOODNAZI PART 3

Franklin: I have to make sure you’re okay. Nothing too bad? Like becoming the pariah of the Minbari race?

Delenn: ANYWAYS. I heard that the Bagna Cauda were coming?

Franklin: …


LAUNCHPAD, WHICH IS A PLACE AND NOT A DUCK

Sheridan: We’ve never gotten a ship back from hyperspace once they get lost, they have no lock-on signal, we can’t find the ship, and it’s fading more and more! They’re all doomed, I say. DOOMED! And some of you may never come back!

Keffer: Why…why is the camera zooming in on me like that? STOP ZOOMING IN ON ME! STOP IT!

Sheridan: Now the plan is that we’re going to link together until we reach the ship. It’s like lifeboats, recycled in space.


C&C

Sheridan: WHY IS NOTHING HAPPENING? Go to bed, Ivanova.

Ivanova: You go to bed.

Sheridan: You know Stinky there was my first commanding officer. Odd, huh?

Ivanova: Yeah. Especially if you called each other those stupid names. But let’s all calm down for now, eh?

Sheridan: Oh fine. I’ll wait to angst.


HYPERSCREWED

Keffer: I have the signal!

Commander: Great! Nothing terrible will happen, I’m sure.

Shadows: LOL HI

Commander: *dies*

Keffer’s ship: *is almost dead*

Keffer: Here, guys, I’ll fire in the direction you need to go. DAMN YOU CAMERA ZOOM OF DEATH!


C&C

Corwin: They’re back!

Sheridan: I suggest we all get drunk now! But where are the commander and Keffer He Who Is Doomed?

Maynard: Doomed.

Sheridan: Well, damn. Let’s all take a moment of silence for the WB’s favorite hotshot pilot.


DR. FOODNAZI PART 4

Orwell: Took you long enough! I got the bagna cauda.

Garibaldi: Oh sweet nectar of the gods…

Franklin: Well, Mr. Obvious Shout-Out, I figured you were the only smuggler who could find all the ingredients for bagna cauda.

Orwell: I’ll…I’ll just go over here…

Garibaldi: It’s for my birthday. My dad used to cook it for me.

Franklin: That’s deeply heartwarming. Let’s eat it together.

Garibaldi: HELL YES.


DELENN TALKS ABOUT THE UNIVERSE SOME MORE

Delenn: Hello Captain.

Sheridan: :-D

Delenn: I’m sorry for the terrible loss of He Who Is Doomed. But don’t worry, the Universe knows what it’s doing.

Sheridan: You talk about the Universe a lot.

Delenn: It’s my BFF.

Sheridan: *hoverhands her arm*


HE-WHO-IS-NOT-DOOMED-YET

Computer: Still no lock-on signal. You’re dead in about half an hour.

Keffer: I’ll miss you computer.

Shadows: OHAI KEFFER.

Keffer: Follow that spider!


C&C

Keffer: Hey I’m back. I followed a creepy spider thing.

Audience: OH GOD IF HE FOLLOWED THEM THEY’RE RIGHT THERE.


KEFFER HAS A REASON FOR HIS EXISTENCE NOW

Keffer: Farewell Commander Gallus. I’ll beat up those spiders. Those things were creepy.

Maynard: Yeah, tell me about it.

Keffer: I want to find out what it is. I’m sure it will not end terribly for me.

Ivanova: That’s fine, but you get to lead the squadron now. And where’s Garibaldi, anyone know?


BUT SERIOUSLY BAGNA CAUDA IS AMAZING

Franklin: BAGNA CAUDA IS THE NECTAR OF THE GODS.


YET ALL WE CAN THINK ABOUT IS THE HAIR

Sheridan: Delenn and the Universe are BFFs.

Ivanova: We’re all BFFs.

Sheridan: Did you and Delenn have a hair party or something? Your hair looks oddly like hers.

Ivanova: WELP TIME TO GO BYE CAPTAIN.


No comments:

Post a Comment