A/N: Okay, let's get back on track here, shall we? Let's parody something, that's a good way to start off the year.
On Babylon 5, Talia is doing some work for her friend, who is a Wise Mentor Figure.
Isogi: Talia, read our minds for a while, okay?
Amanda Carter: This proposal from your company Future Corps is insane.
Isogi: Your great grandfather was insane! And your mom goes to college!
Random Lady: Hello Thirteen, you may start the plot now.
Computer: You got it.
PLOT IN A BOX
Abel Horn breaks out of a box. It is designed to make you jump. Also, he has a very nice ring.
Abel: Look! Look at my ring! OOOH!!
SHAKEN NOT STIRRED
Isogi is meeting with Amanda Carter who is in Mars government. She wants to
free Mars, and Future Corps is clearly conspiring to start another rebellion!
It’s so they have more space for their corporation!
Sheridan: Your point…?
Boudreau: This could be a threat to Earth! Even if it’s only a possible maybe perhaps they might be plotting something at some point.
Sheridan: I am not a spy. I don’t even like martinis.
Boudreau: Doesn’t matter. Drink them anyways. We’ll send you a tux.
IN WHICH ISOGI TEMPTS FATE
Isogi: We can use our corporation to get help with alien worlds and you don’t have to blow things up to become free.
Carter: But will this work? Really work? Like not blow up in our faces work?
Isogi: Of course not! Everything will go perfectly smoothly!
WALKING BACK TO YOUR QUARTERS ALMOST ALONE IN THE DARK
Isogi: This will be so awesome, when Mars is free!
Abel: Free Mars. Also, NO! NO! NO! YOU WILL DIE! *force lightning’s*
Talia gets into the guy’s mind and sees a ship blowing apart.
Talia: DO NOT WANT.
WHAT IS THIS TACT OF WHICH YOU SPEAK?
Sheridan: So was this Isogi guy, you know, violent or anything or wanting to blow things up as well?
Talia: My friend just died…?
Sheridan: …yeah. I’ll get someone to take you back to—
Garibaldi: WHAT’S THAT TAKE TALIA SOMEWHERE I’LL DO THAT IT SOUNDS GREAT.
GARIBALDI ELEVATOR SCENE #572
Garibaldi: So daaate?
Talia: MY FRIEND JUST DIED WHY ARE YOU ALL JERKS.
SUSPICIOUSLY SPECIFIC DENIAL
Sheridan: So what do you think of Talia?
Ivanova: Uhhh….interesting. I mean, I’m not a fan of telepaths…
Sheridan: Like the one you defenestrated.
Ivanova: Well yeah. I mean it’s not like I want to date her or anything lol why would you even think that?
Sheridan: That’s…that’s not what I asked…
EVEN MORE HALLWAY FLASHBACKS
Talia: MIND RAPE’D
We promptly get shoved right into a flashback of a ship blowing up a lot.
LOOK A CONSPIRACY
Talia: Also there was an Earth alliance ship that blew him up and he died. It was happening over and over and it was creepy.
Garibaldi: So this guy is named Abel Horn and he was for Free Mars.
Sheridan: He blew up my friends. FIND HIM.
Garibaldi: But…he’s kind of dead. He was blown up at Phobos.
Talia: OH GOD WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN
Garibaldi: What are we talking about…?
Sheridan: Don’t worry your pretty little head about anything.
WARM BODIES, THE BABYLON 5 EDITION
Abel: I have you now my pretty.
Carter: Abel, you’re not dead! Very nice. But why did you kill Isogi?
Abel: I didn’t do that. Come, my dear, help me back to Mars.
Carter: I’m kind of working to free Mars.
Abel: And what if they find out you liked blowing things up too, eh? Here, I’ll force-lightning….OWWIEHURTYFLASHBACKSCANYOUFETCHTALIA.
PROTECTIVE CUSTODY IS ONLY EFFECTIVE WITH TEA
Garibaldi: I’m sure nothing bad will happen at all.
Talia: You want tea?
Garibaldi: TEA. WITH TALIA. YES PLEASE THANKS.
Talia: So let’s have awkward conversations about our families.
Garibaldi: My father was epic.
Talia: I didn’t have parents because Psi-Corps takes people away from their parents. Totally legit. But I had a friend who wasn’t a jerk and might be plot-relevant.
Sheridan Commlink: Garibaldi, get your ass down here, stop flirting with Talia!
CONSPIRACY HOUR WITH SHERIDAN
Sheridan: Look, Project Lazarus was a cyber experiment to turn people into the Borg.. They used people on the verge of death. And they would be fixated on the death and so the computer can take control. Looks like Abel turned into a zombie.
Garibaldi: Or maybe Abel didn’t die.
Sheridan: I hate simple explanations. Why does he keep leaving Talia alive? Maybe her telepathic magic keeps bringing his mind back.
TROLLING COMPUTER IS TROLLING HARD
Zack: Talia is going to go talk to Amanda, we should escort them.
Garibaldi: All right. Here,
Sheridan, you suck at computers. *presses
Door: *OPEN AND SHUT TROLLOLOL*
MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE ALL GONE IN?
Garibaldi: So what are we doing?
Talia: Amanda wants to go on with the plan, so we’re going to talk about it.
Garibaldi: We’ll be right out here.
Talia: Hey, anyone in here?
Abel: No one but us zombies.
Abel: Just explain why I’m a zombie!
Evil Lady: Aha, I see our wonderful cyborg! Here, I will smile evilly!
Talia: WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN
EVERYTHING’S BETTER WITH EXPLOSIONS
Garibaldi: Let’s do this thing!
*they kick down the door*
Garibaldi: Think about it!
Abel: THINKING HURTS.
Garibaldi: Okay. Guns down. No need to force-lightning…
Sheridan: You have a machine in your head. We’ll help you and keep you from continuing to be the Borg.
Abel: I DON’T LIKE ANYONE FROM EARTH BECAUSE MY HEAD HURTS!
Zack: He’s about to blow up.
Sheridan: Well darn.... *pauses* I wanna see this! *falls down*
Garibaldi: COOL GUYS DON’T LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS JOHN.
IN WHICH SHERIDAN BITES HIS THUMB AT SPY WORK
Garibaldi: So how did you know about the terrorist?
Amanda: We fell in love before he started blowing things up.
Sheridan: You know what? Let’s not report this. Keep working for Mars, because I like questioning authority.
HALLWAY OF PLOT SUMMATION
Garibaldi: So wasn’t she an accessory to murder? And attempted murder?
Talia: Well he wasn’t trying to kill me. He wanted me to find out what was controlling him.
Sheridan: Did you find out?
Talia: NOPE NOPE DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING DEFINITELY NOT A CREEPY PSI-CORPS LADY.
Sheridan: Sounds legit.
MORE DELICIOUS FORESHADOWING
Garibaldi: So how did you know about the Borg?
Sheridan: I like conspiracy theories.
Garibaldi: So who do you think was behind this? Obviously it had nothing to do with Free Mars. So tell me who was it we all like conspiracies do it.
Sheridan: Fine, I’ll give you a plotstory. There’s a secret agency in the government called Bureau 13. It’s like a shadow government, a spider in the web. It’s almost like foreshadowing, you know?
Evil Lady: So Abel is ded, is he? Oh well. Back to watching President Clark give speeches. Watch me whirl in my chair dramatically! *stares at the camera*