Vir is practicing for a meeting by bowing and saying “laaadies”
and tipping his fedora.
Garibaldi: Vir, that’s weird.
Vir: Londo’s wives are here.
Garibaldi: He has a harem? All right!
Timov: TAKE ME TO LONDO NOW OR I END YOU.
Vir: Not you
Garibaldi: Errr…never mind. Have fun Vir. I’ll just go…watch this fight…way over here.
Guy: Stop running into me you son of a—Oh, what am I saying, so sorry man, have a nice day.
Stoner: That’s right, these really are not the droids you are looking for.
TALIA BRINGS THE PLOT
Garibaldi: So my cop instincts are telling me this short guy Stoner is evil.
Talia: Hello Captain, what did you need?
Sheridan: Bye Garibaldi, we’ll talk about Stoner later.
Talia: Oh, you must be talking about my sociopathic ex-husband.
Londo: And after TEN ROUNDS OF JOSE CUERVO!!!
THIS IS WHY POLYGAMY IS DANGEROUS
Timov: Where is he? Don’t worry, I won’t bite. Okay, I did that one time…
Daggair: My dearest Timov, I love you and your backwards name.
IN WHICH DELENN’S HAIR TURNS INTO MINE
Ivanova: Uh, Delenn, you needed to see me?
Delenn: Get in here. MY HAIR IS A TANGLED MESS! This is not dignified at all. Shall we have a hair fixing time? Is that what girls do together?
Ivanova: …it’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?
TALIA BRINGS SOME MORE PLOT
Talia: So Matt was such a nice guy, and then the Psi-Corps fixed us up genetically, and then…it turned out he was SECRETLY EVIL.
Sheridan: So why isn’t he in the Corps now?
Talia: I don’t know, because he totally should be.
THE CAT FIGHTS CONTINUE
Londo: Hello everyone!
Timov: IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME.
Londo: Well where’s the hot one? Oh, never mind, she’ll get here eventually. So the emperor thinks I’m awesome and says I can have any wish.
Daggair: What was it, daaaahling?
Londo: A divorce! But I have to keep one.
Mariel The Hot One: I’m here daaahling!
Vir: I’m…just gonna go drink now…
Timov: Lucky you.
I WILL NOT BUY THIS TOBACCONIST, IT IS SCRATCHED
Shop Keeper: I’m not buying this.
Stoner: How about this?
Shop Keeper: Huh, it’s a Centauri goddess. How amazing, how wonderful!
Garibaldi: Where’d you get that, Stoner?
Stoner: Oh lol Garibaldi is going to secure me lol.
Garibaldi: …how are you charming everyone when you sound that condescending?
Lennier: Londo invited us to his party. Also, what the hell is that in your hair?
Delenn: Curlers. They’re fun.
Garibaldi: Funny, you ran away right to where Talia lives.
Stoner: D’AWW HE HAS A CRUSH.
Garibaldi: Can you just stop talking already? Please?
MEANWHILE ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
Mariel: Ah, where is my darling husband?
Sheridan, you look wonderful in that uniform!
Londo: FLY YOU FOOL
Sheridan: Actually she’s ridiculously creepy. Why did you marry her again?
*looks back at her* …never mind.
*looks back at her* …never mind.
Stoner: Ah, Talia, dear, let me talk like a creeper.
Stoner: I bet you wanna know how to get out of Psi-Corp, eh? And then we can be together and all. I mean, even though I’m clearly a condescending jerk.
AND SOMEHOW THAT WORKED
Talia: Sorry Garibaldi, also I’m going to leave B5, probably with Stoner.
Talia: The Corps found out how to get rid of telepathy without sleepers. I want out of Psi-Corps because it’s creepy.
Garibaldi: …I can’t argue that.
WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
Mariel: I’ll have that little Centauri statue. Great place to hide poison and stuff.
Londo: G’Kar, so nice to see you!
G’Kar: LOOK LONDO. I AM WEARING SHOES IN DEFIANCE OF YOUR TRADITION!
Londo: Oh that’s fine you’re great! We should become BFFs one day.
Delenn: You seem to be having issues with women.
Garibaldi: Yeah, I met a nice girl and hated her ex immediately.
Delenn: When we get reincarnated we keep running into each other over and over. The Universe is the worst troll ever.
Londo: Lennier gave me cards!
Lennier: And I marked them for you, just like you like them!
Londo: LOOK AT THIS CENTAURI STATUE!
Mariel: From me!
Daggair: And all of us!
Londo: *poison dart*
SHERIDAN ATTEMPTS TO QUESTION AN IDIOT
Stoner: I don’t know anything. Just found it at a Centauri colony.
Sheridan: The Centauri were driven out of there, and it was probably a trap.
Stoner: Aww the captain thinks he’s smart!
Sheridan: Seriously? Do your insults go above the intelligence level of a five year old?
IN WHICH TIMOV IS NOT ENTIRELY HORRIBLE
Timov: Look, I know I bit Vir that one time, but face it, it was hilarious. I’ll give Londo a blood transfusion, but don’t tell him, because I can’t go around ruining my reputation like that.
Franklin: …you people are so weird.
NO SERIOUSLY HOW DO STONER’S POWERS WORK?
Welch: So Stoner’s story checks out.
Garibaldi: I wanna talk to him.
Welch: Once he’s done eating.
Garibaldi: How’d he get food now? It’s not even dinner time.
Welch: I dunno. We just kind of like him.
Garibaldi: The creepy sociopathic guy that talks like a condescending jerk and insults like a five year old?
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THESE POWERS
Talia: I don’t want to go.
Stoner: Please? Please go with me? PRETTY PLEASE WITH CHERRIES ON TOP?
Welch: Get outta here you two love birds lol.
IN WHICH THE AUDIENCE WONDERS HOW THIS RELATIONSHIP EVEN WORKS
G’Kar: Slick, Mariel. But if I were married to Londo I would be worried.
Mariel: You do realize thousands of fanfics just spontaneously burst into being, right?
Fanfiction.net: IT’S OVER 9000!!!!!
IN WHICH STONER’S POWERS MAKE EVEN LESS SENSE
Sheridan: So instead of being a telepath you got turned into an empath. That…like…makes everyone like him in spite of being an annoying, whiny-voiced jerk?
Garibaldi: And that would’ve been awkward for people to find out about the telepath experiments at Psi-Corps. They probably hoped you and Talia would make little empath babies.
Stoner: THIS IS NOT THE CONSPIRACY YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.
Garibaldi: You do realize if you try to control us my guards will come shoot you.
Stoner: I only wanted to help you, Talia. I lurve you Talia.
Stoner: *sigh* Must be off my game…
Garibaldi: Lol bye.
LOVE, OR SOMETHING LIKE IT.
Vir: So, Timov, here’s Londo’s schedule. I’m leaving before anything else happens.
Timov: Yeah, this is weird.
Londo: At least if you kill me I won’t be surprised.
Timov: …makes sense.
AWKWARD HILARITY ENSUES
Delenn: Thank you so much for your help!
Ivanova: No problem. Come to me if you need help.
Delenn: So what are these “cramps”?
Ivanova: OH GOD NO.