Monday, January 19, 2015

Parody 5: S2, E7: Dungeonmates


Vir is practicing for a meeting by bowing and saying “laaadies” and tipping his fedora.

Garibaldi: Vir, that’s weird.

Vir: Londo’s wives are here.

Garibaldi: He has a harem? All right!

Timov: TAKE ME TO LONDO NOW OR I END YOU.

Vir: Not you

Garibaldi: Errr…never mind. Have fun Vir. I’ll just go…watch this fight…way over here.

Guy: Stop running into me you son of a—Oh, what am I saying, so sorry man, have a nice day.

Stoner: That’s right, these really are not the droids you are looking for.


TALIA BRINGS THE PLOT

Garibaldi: So my cop instincts are telling me this short guy Stoner is evil.

Talia: Hello Captain, what did you need?

Sheridan: Bye Garibaldi, we’ll talk about Stoner later.

Talia: Oh, you must be talking about my sociopathic ex-husband.

Sheridan: What.


DRINKING!

Londo: And after TEN ROUNDS OF JOSE CUERVO!!!


THIS IS WHY POLYGAMY IS DANGEROUS

Timov: Where is he? Don’t worry, I won’t bite. Okay, I did that one time…

Daggair: My dearest Timov, I love you and your backwards name.

Vir: *cries*


IN WHICH DELENN’S HAIR TURNS INTO MINE

Ivanova: Uh, Delenn, you needed to see me?

Delenn: Get in here. MY HAIR IS A TANGLED MESS! This is not dignified at all. Shall we have a hair fixing time? Is that what girls do together?

Ivanova: …it’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?


TALIA BRINGS SOME MORE PLOT

Talia: So Matt was such a nice guy, and then the Psi-Corps fixed us up genetically, and then…it turned out he was SECRETLY EVIL.

Sheridan: So why isn’t he in the Corps now?

Talia: I don’t know, because he totally should be.


THE CAT FIGHTS CONTINUE

Londo: Hello everyone!

Timov: IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME.

Daggair: DAAAAHLING!

Londo: Well where’s the hot one? Oh, never mind, she’ll get here eventually. So the emperor thinks I’m awesome and says I can have any wish.

Daggair: What was it, daaaahling?

Londo: A divorce! But I have to keep one.

Mariel The Hot One: I’m here daaahling!

Vir: I’m…just gonna go drink now…

Timov: Lucky you.


I WILL NOT BUY THIS TOBACCONIST, IT IS SCRATCHED

Shop Keeper: I’m not buying this.

Stoner: How about this?

Shop Keeper: Huh, it’s a Centauri goddess. How amazing, how wonderful!

Garibaldi: Where’d you get that, Stoner?

Stoner: Oh lol Garibaldi is going to secure me lol.

Garibaldi: …how are you charming everyone when you sound that condescending?

Stoner: …magic.


HAIR PARTY!

Lennier: Londo invited us to his party. Also, what the hell is that in your hair?

Delenn: Curlers. They’re fun.

Lennier: …what.


SECURITY

Garibaldi: Funny, you ran away right to where Talia lives.

Stoner: D’AWW HE HAS A CRUSH.

Garibaldi: Can you just stop talking already? Please?


MEANWHILE ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

Mariel: Ah, where is my darling husband? Sheridan, you look wonderful in that uniform!

Londo: FLY YOU FOOL

Sheridan: Actually she’s ridiculously creepy. Why did you marry her again?
*looks back at her* …never mind.


STALKING COMMENCES…NOW!

Stoner: Ah, Talia, dear, let me talk like a creeper.

Talia: No.

Stoner: I bet you wanna know how to get out of Psi-Corp, eh? And then we can be together and all. I mean, even though I’m clearly a condescending jerk.


AND SOMEHOW THAT WORKED

Talia: Sorry Garibaldi, also I’m going to leave B5, probably with Stoner.

Garibaldi: WHAT.

Talia: The Corps found out how to get rid of telepathy without sleepers. I want out of Psi-Corps because it’s creepy.

Garibaldi: …I can’t argue that.


WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?

Mariel: I’ll have that little Centauri statue. Great place to hide poison and stuff.


LONDO’S…DIVORCE PARTY…?

Londo: G’Kar, so nice to see you!

G’Kar: LOOK LONDO. I AM WEARING SHOES IN DEFIANCE OF YOUR TRADITION!

Londo: Oh that’s fine you’re great! We should become BFFs one day.

G’Kar: …what.

Delenn: You seem to be having issues with women.

Garibaldi: Yeah, I met a nice girl and hated her ex immediately.

Delenn: When we get reincarnated we keep running into each other over and over. The Universe is the worst troll ever.

Londo: Lennier gave me cards!

Lennier: And I marked them for you, just like you like them!

Londo: LOOK AT THIS CENTAURI STATUE!

Mariel: From me!

Daggair: And all of us!

Londo: *poison dart*


SHERIDAN ATTEMPTS TO QUESTION AN IDIOT

Sheridan: So Londo’s in bad shape. What do you know about it?

Stoner: I don’t know anything. Just found it at a Centauri colony.

Sheridan: The Centauri were driven out of there, and it was probably a trap.

Stoner: Aww the captain thinks he’s smart!

Sheridan: Seriously? Do your insults go above the intelligence level of a five year old?

Stoner: Uh…


IN WHICH TIMOV IS NOT ENTIRELY HORRIBLE

Timov: Look, I know I bit Vir that one time, but face it, it was hilarious. I’ll give Londo a blood transfusion, but don’t tell him, because I can’t go around ruining my reputation like that.

Franklin: …you people are so weird.


NO SERIOUSLY HOW DO STONER’S POWERS WORK?

Welch: So Stoner’s story checks out.

Garibaldi: I wanna talk to him.

Welch: Once he’s done eating.

Garibaldi: How’d he get food now? It’s not even dinner time.

Welch: I dunno. We just kind of like him.

Garibaldi: The creepy sociopathic guy that talks like a condescending jerk and insults like a five year old?


I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THESE POWERS

Talia: I don’t want to go.

Stoner: Please? Please go with me? PRETTY PLEASE WITH CHERRIES ON TOP?

Talia: Okay!

Welch: Get outta here you two love birds lol.

Garibaldi: *facepalm*


IN WHICH THE AUDIENCE WONDERS HOW THIS RELATIONSHIP EVEN WORKS

G’Kar: Slick, Mariel. But if I were married to Londo I would be worried.

Mariel: You do realize thousands of fanfics just spontaneously burst into being, right?

Fanfiction.net: IT’S OVER 9000!!!!!


IN WHICH STONER’S POWERS MAKE EVEN LESS SENSE

Sheridan: So instead of being a telepath you got turned into an empath. That…like…makes everyone like him in spite of being an annoying, whiny-voiced jerk?

Garibaldi: And that would’ve been awkward for people to find out about the telepath experiments at Psi-Corps. They probably hoped you and Talia would make little empath babies.

Stoner: THIS IS NOT THE CONSPIRACY YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

Garibaldi: You do realize if you try to control us my guards will come shoot you.

Stoner: I only wanted to help you, Talia. I lurve you Talia.

Talia: Nope.

Stoner: *sigh* Must be off my game…

Garibaldi: Lol bye.


LOVE, OR SOMETHING LIKE IT.

Vir: So, Timov, here’s Londo’s schedule. I’m leaving before anything else happens.

Timov: Yeah, this is weird.

Londo: At least if you kill me I won’t be surprised.

Timov: …makes sense.


AWKWARD HILARITY ENSUES

Delenn: Thank you so much for your help!

Ivanova: No problem. Come to me if you need help.

Delenn: So what are these “cramps”?


Ivanova: OH GOD NO.

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