Friday, March 13, 2015

ClassicWho Reviews: The Seventh Doctor

     First off, I wrote this review, then forgot to back it up on my Google Drive and lost it when my computer suddenly decided it had enough of this hard, hard life of writing papers and watching stupid YouTube videos. So this might be a little less organized than I intended.

     Also, I only managed to get hold of two Seventh Doctor serials. This is a minor tragedy, people.


     The Doctor and Mel arrive on Iceworld, which is basically the I-80 Truck Stop In Space. There, they meet up with Sabalom Glitz, who has another wacky scheme-he’s going to steal treasure from a dragon! Nearby, a waitress named Ace dumps a drink on someone’s head and declares herself the greatest companion ever.

     I mean quits. She quits her job.

     While Ace and Mel chat, the Doctor and Glitz head off to search for this treasure. Turns out, Glitz owes money to the local ice mogul, a guy named Kane who is probably actually Mr. Freeze, up to and including having a sad ice sculpture of his lost love. He is also a slave owner and all around jerk, and plans on taking Glitz’s ship (and probably doing worse). As they make their way deeper into the caverns, the Doctor tries to climb over a railing, later revealed to be because of the Great Intelligence….for some reason…and we are left with a literal cliff hanger, whilst (according to The Name of the Doctor) off-screen Clara shouts fruitlessly across the gulf. Or something. Clara confuses me sometimes. As does the Great Intelligence.

Yog-Sothoth had a plan! A good plan, a smart plan, carefully laid out! But he got bored.

     Mel and Ace decided Glitz and the Doctor are bound to screw something up, so they head off for their own adventure (Ace carrying a backpack full of nitroglycerin), only to be kidnapped by Kane’s men. Kane offers Ace a place in his slave army. Ace rejects his offer, then blows up the door with nitroglycerin and declares herself the greatest companion ever.

All the fans made this face as well.

      I mean escapes. She and Mel escape.

     Our four confused heroes arrive in the dragon’s “lair”. The dragon is…a robot? It turns out Iceworld is actually a huge prison ship, and Kane (and his lost love) were the prisoners. The robodragon has the key to the ship in its head, because leaving the key with the prisoners was a great idea. Kane also decides to get rid of all these annoying tourists by herding them onto Glitz’s ship then blowing it up. Because Kane is a terrible, terrible person and can’t seem to understand this is why he was imprisoned in the first place.

     It ends in the Doctor talking the villain death, as he is wont to do; Mel arbitrarily deciding to leave with Glitz (let’s just head-canon this into “that’s why they were together when they showed up for the Sixth Doctor’s trial); and the Doctor decides to take Ace back home to Earth via the scenic route.

Remembrance of the Daleks

     Welcome back to Coal Hill School, where the headmaster is mentally controlled by Daleks and a creepy child sings nursery rhymes because we all needed some nightmares.

Sleep well!

     They arrive in Totter’s Lane, shortly after the First Doctor and company have left. The Doctor has something very important to check on…something he left behind. They are attacked by a Dalek, which is killed via…you guessed it…nitroglycerin. The Doctor leaves Ace to flirt with a UNIT officer, who manages to ditch her and followed the Doctor instead. He buries the coffin containing a powerful Time Lord weapon, which feeds into my head canon that all those alien weapons in Deep Storm were actually weapons for the Time War against the Daleks. (You can't take my head canon from me.)

     In the meantime, Ace realizes she left her giant 80’s stereo in the school, and goes back only to find lots and lots of Imperial Daleks wandering around. One Dalek calls her small. Ace beats it to death with a baseball bat powered by the Hand of Omega and declares herself the greatest companion ever.

Watch this and hope to absorb a fraction of the awesome.

     By the time the Doctor arrives, the Daleks have started a war. Gray Renegade Daleks are still mad at Davros, and now all are fighting for the Hand of Omega, a very powerful Time Lord weapon, which is promptly dug up by another Dalek groupie, because it turns out Ace has terrible taste in boys and the UNIT officer was Evil All Along. They trace the Daleks back to their headquarters, where they have hooked up the aforementioned creepy girl to a battle computer, because it’s not enough to blow things up, they have to be jerks about it too. The Doctor then prank calls Davros about unlimited rice pudding. Davros rants about the Omega Device then sets off said device, only to find out it was rigged to accidentally Skaro's sun and cause a supernova, destroying the homeworld of the Daleks.

    Yeah, no, to explain why Skaro is still around, they said it was another planet that was terraformed to look like Skaro, ostensibly to keep Davros from, you know, doing what he just tried to do; but I think it's because Daleks are precious and get homesick when they’re out on long exterminations.

     Then the creepy girl tries to kill everyone before the Doctor talks the last Dalek to death and breaks the control over her. She leaves the serial, only to come back completely insane in the novels. Yay…?

     I wish I could have seen more Seventh Doctor. I enjoyed this quiet, manipulative schemer and the snarky way he mentors Ace. Also, more Ace is always good.

     Because she is clearly the greatest companion ever. OBVSLY.

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