Monday, December 21, 2015

The Farce Awakens: Thoughts as They Came To Me (Warning: Spoilers, nonsense)

Sometimes, my mind does weird things when watching a movie.


"I AM LITERALLY SEEING MORE OF YOU THAN I HAVE SEEN OF ANY OTHER WOMAN. I MUST FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU."

"Tentacles. Why did it have to be tentacles?"

GODWIN EVERYTHING! GODWIN EVERYONE!

Why is the Dark Side so arbitrary? Because J.J. Abrams, that's why.

"You want to see my face? Behold, the face of--why are you laughing at me? I AM NOT A BABY FACE STOP LAUGHING AT ME."

"I SAID I'M NOT A BABY FACE."

Every extra volunteered to be the guy who succumbs to the Jedi Mind Trick.

Because temper tantrums are the mark of every proper Sith Lord.

"BEN, GO TO YOUR ROOM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE."

AND THEN DISNEY GORGED ITSELF UPON THE TEARS OF THE FANS.

Okay, he's on the ground in a fit of teenage angst! You can stab him!
...okay, stab him.
He's getting up, stab him.
WHY IS THE LIGHT SIDE SO LAME.

"I have been standing here for five minutes, holding out this laser sword. Would you just take it already?"
"I'M TRYING TO LET THE AUDIENCE GET A GOOD LOOK AT MY BEARD. GOD."

Well. There was a surprisingly small amount of lens flare in this movie, respect for the original material, and only a small amount of Annoying Sidekick Antics. Perhaps this is...A New Hope.


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