Saturday, October 1, 2016

A Helpful Guide to the Election

As with any election, the candidates involved often represent a myriad of beliefs and stances, and to add to the complexity, oftentimes thinking voters find themselves agreeing and disagreeing with both on some issue or another.

To make it easy for you, I have compiled all the knowledge social media has given me about this issue, that way you can make the choice that is best for our country.


Donald Trump:

  • HIS HAIR IS FUNNY.
  • HE SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT WOMEN.
  • 2 CORINTHIANS.
  • HE'S RACIST MCRACISTON.
  • HECK, LET'S GET IT OVER WITH, HE'S HITLER, OKAY? DONALD TRUMP IS NOW HITLER. A VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP IS A VOTE FOR HYDRA.



Hillary Clinton:

  • HER HUSBAND IS A WOMANIZER.
  • WE DIDN'T LIKE HER HUSBAND WHEN HE WAS IN OFFICE.
  • SHE HAS AIDS.
  • SHE HAS PHAGE.
  • WE DON'T KNOW, SHE JUST NEARLY FELL DOWN, THAT MEANS SHE'S UNFIT FOR OFFICE.
  • SHE'S HITLER, OKAY? HILLARY CLINTON IS NOW HITLER. A VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON IS A VOTE FOR LEX LUTHOR.



Third Party Candidate:

  • THIRD PARTY?
  • THIRD PARTY???
  • WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, DESTROY OUR COUNTRY?
  • GARY JOHNSON STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT ONCE!
  • HE'S TOO HIGH TO DO ANYTHING!
  • DON'T YOU KNOW A VOTE FOR GARY JOHNSON IS A VOTE FOR HILLARY/TRUMP/COBRA?
  • ALSO HE'S PROBABLY HITLER TOO, OR SOMETHING.



Now, armed with the best knowledge the Internet can give you, go and make your choice.

But just remember, no matter what you do, the Internet will tell you that you chose...poorly.

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