Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Top Ten Halloween Reads

It's that time of year again! Time to scare yourself so bad you want to leave all the lights on, and when you don't you find yourself imagining a monster crouched by the attic door as you lie motionless in bed, wishing you could go to the bathroom but not wanting your feet to touch the floor, lest the monster charge you as you get out of bed, which is a thing that totally only happens to children and never to mature adults who are married and have jobs and have responsibilities.

*cough*

So without anymore stories that would definitely be embarrassing if they were real, here's what you should be reading for this Halloween:



10.) Bloodwalker by L.X. Cain



Yes, I have already reviewed this. Yes, I am saying this again. Read this book. It is really weird. It's really creepy. It has a murderous clown, which means it is perfect for this year. What's that? You don't like reading about a murderous clown when there's a clown standing out on your lawn? TOO BAD, READ IT ANYWAYS.


9.) Carmilla by J. Sheridan Le Fanu


You know that really nice kid you invited to stay in your house?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah good luck with that.


8.) House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielwski


The House is bigger on the inside, and about as fun as that time the Other House took over the TARDIS. Will Navidson's film of the House might not be real. Zampano's book about it doesn't really make sense. Johnny Truant might need to see a psychologist for his sex obsession, and also because he's being chased by an imaginary monster. Everyone, whether or not they actually exist, goes crazy anyways. You'll probably go crazy too.


7.) Brimstone by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child


You say spontaneous combustion, but some say "demonic attack". Tomato, tomahto. And what's this? Our beloved Count Fosco is alive and well after all, and has replaced his real birds with mechanical ones. When people just start cooking from the inside out, you ask Pendergast to look into it, because he's used to weird things happening in New York.


6.) Frankenstein by Mary Shelley


You know, trying to create life by sewing bits and pieces together is generally a bad idea, especially when you're hoping to stop death altogether. On the upside, the monster you create will become eloquent enough to explain why he wants to kill you.


5.) Dracula by Bram Stoker


You know that really nice guy that invited you to stay in his house?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah good luck with that.


4.) Ghost Stories of an Antiquary by M.R. James


These ghosts don't just go "boo". They do really weird things, like inhabit pictures to show you things, or throw parties next door when you're trying to sleep. Why? We don't know. There's a reason Lovecraft liked James so much. His stories are weird.


3.) The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde


Take a little trip into the mind of a nice kid who slowly becomes a sociopath. And also wants immortality, can't forget that one. No supernatural threats, though, just your usual human darkness.


2.) House on the Borderland by William Hope Hodgson


There are pig-men. What? Yes, I don't know, they're just there. They want in your house. It's like a reverse Little Pigs. Also, the house will force you to live through the heat death of the universe. Why? Nope. Not gonna explain it. It just happens.


1.) The Cabinet of Curiosities by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child


Old victims and new victims alike, all with a certain surgical procedure done to cause death. Of course Pendergast has to get involved. He loves all the weird things. The question is, who is doing this and why?

Okay, you know what, can we just agree that the search for immortality is a questionable one at best? I'm looking at you, actual real scientists that are doing it. Just stop. Find something else to do. What, do you want us to be killed by eloquent monsters and/or Vorlons? Look at this guy. Removing the cauda equina while his victims are still conscious. Who even does that? Read on to find out, I guess.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Notice of Not Being Quite Dead-I Might Even Pull Through, and I Think I'll Go For A Walk

So it's been a while since I've written literally anything on here.

I've been incredibly distracted lately, and it's not just from classes. For some reason I've been in one of those periods of time where you spend all your free time on mindless nonsense. Well, not completely mindless nonsense. I've been reading a bit too.

Anyways, this is just a little update to say I'm going to give more attention to the blog, at least until November when the annual WRITING A WHOLE LOT WHEN YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE TIME month begins. Yes, I'm doing NaNoWriMo again this year. I might blog about the experience, but I doubt it.

I will try to build up a blog buffer before November, though. Once finals are over this week I'll hopefully be able to breathe (even though, thanks to the schedule being rearranged, I don't get a break in between sessions this semester). So here's what we have going on:

-Blathering about this election in general, which obviously has to be posted before November. I have a lot of feelings, and it will lead in to another post...
-How social media affects our perception. Let's just say...jerks are becoming jerkier.
-Movie and book reviews-I have to catch up on these. Also I just finished Anna Karenina and I have bookmarked so many pages, so it'll be a long one.
-Doctor Who reviews. I will restart them, hopefully get them finished before the next series.

So until then, I leave you with the new and improved Clear Lakes 44, which is now ECKVA. Hopefully we'll get an actual story this time so I can talk about it.

I'm not going to recap everything, just go to the FWAN forums to find out what you need there.


Saturday, October 1, 2016

A Helpful Guide to the Election

As with any election, the candidates involved often represent a myriad of beliefs and stances, and to add to the complexity, oftentimes thinking voters find themselves agreeing and disagreeing with both on some issue or another.

To make it easy for you, I have compiled all the knowledge social media has given me about this issue, that way you can make the choice that is best for our country.


Donald Trump:

  • HIS HAIR IS FUNNY.
  • HE SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT WOMEN.
  • 2 CORINTHIANS.
  • HE'S RACIST MCRACISTON.
  • HECK, LET'S GET IT OVER WITH, HE'S HITLER, OKAY? DONALD TRUMP IS NOW HITLER. A VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP IS A VOTE FOR HYDRA.



Hillary Clinton:

  • HER HUSBAND IS A WOMANIZER.
  • WE DIDN'T LIKE HER HUSBAND WHEN HE WAS IN OFFICE.
  • SHE HAS AIDS.
  • SHE HAS PHAGE.
  • WE DON'T KNOW, SHE JUST NEARLY FELL DOWN, THAT MEANS SHE'S UNFIT FOR OFFICE.
  • SHE'S HITLER, OKAY? HILLARY CLINTON IS NOW HITLER. A VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON IS A VOTE FOR LEX LUTHOR.



Third Party Candidate:

  • THIRD PARTY?
  • THIRD PARTY???
  • WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, DESTROY OUR COUNTRY?
  • GARY JOHNSON STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT ONCE!
  • HE'S TOO HIGH TO DO ANYTHING!
  • DON'T YOU KNOW A VOTE FOR GARY JOHNSON IS A VOTE FOR HILLARY/TRUMP/COBRA?
  • ALSO HE'S PROBABLY HITLER TOO, OR SOMETHING.



Now, armed with the best knowledge the Internet can give you, go and make your choice.

But just remember, no matter what you do, the Internet will tell you that you chose...poorly.